When the timing is all wrong.
Timing is something I hear a lot about in all aspects of my life: when to find the right job, when to talk about certain subjects, when we’re “supposed” to reach certain life milestones (all of which have surpassed for me), when to get married, when to have a baby… there’s a whole lotta scheduling happening.
Frankly, I’m still figuring out what’s a good time to get to bed each night, how quick I can slap on my makeup in order to sleep in as much as possible without being late to work, and what time to eat my afternoon protein bar so I’m not hungry during dance class.
But of course, there’s that timing in a relationship that everyone is always talking about as one of the vital factors in whether or not the relationship is going to withstand the test of time. Again with the time!
However, when I think about that – you know, when people say, “It just wasn’t the right timing” – what I took that to mean was that it has to be the right time in each person’s life. You’ve each got to be where you want to be in your lives in order to make things work – and this can mean different things for each person.
Factors of timing for me include:
- Being free (or as close to it) of baggage
- Feeling confident on my own
- At an okay place with my job/career
- Feeling as if my life is full without a partner to avoid neediness
- Feeling emotionally strong in other areas of my life
…And there’s probably a few more things that I just haven’t thought of yet. I’ve definitely had relationship moments that failed because of timing; many, in fact.
But what if the timing doesn’t have anything to do with those things? What if you actually like each other at different times?
I’m currently experiencing this, or was, I suppose, a few months ago.
You see, I really liked this guy about two years ago, and he said it wasn’t the right time for him. He’d gone through a breakup, and wasn’t ready, which I respected.
We stayed friends – despite having a pretty big fight and not talking for several months – and recently he told me he liked me; that he thought I was cool.
While I appreciated his gesture and thought it was sweet; it felt also like a little bit of an insult. I felt like…wait, a second! I liked you YEARS ago, and I wasn’t cool enough then, so… it finally took you two years to come around?
I know he didn’t mean it like that, but I feel like as soon as a guy says he likes a woman, she’s expected to fawn all over him and treat him like a god.
Meh. That’s not really my style.
Since he told me he liked me, all of the sudden it became important that I reply his texts right away, and when he texted me around 1 am one Sunday morning, I was asleep, so I didn’t respond until around 9:30 later that morning.
And he’s been salty to me ever since – in fact, we really haven’t talked since then.
There’s always the chance that his distance has nothing to do with me, but it sure seems pretty immature, not to mention controlling, and a bit manipulative.
On the one hand, it sadly may mean that it just wasn’t meant to be with this guy that I thought I liked so much. But on the other hand, I’m proud of myself for spotting something like this early – because these are tricks I’ve fallen for in the past, and have ended very poorly for me.
It’s been a very long time since I’ve been in a relationship, and a big reason for that is because the last one was so, so terrible. It has taken me years to find myself again, and gain enough confidence to even think about dating again. While I’m finally starting to feel ready, I also realize that I’m really sensitive to any possible sign of control and manipulation – as that’s something all of my exes have in common.
I suppose it doesn’t matter exactly WHAT kind of timing we’re tallking about, if fate is in control here, then whatever is meant to be, will be, right?
So… fate… I’m waiting.