First comes marriage, then divorce?
It has been reported that nearly half (42 percent) of all marriages that end in divorce, end within 10 years, according to the Office for National Statistics.
Given that I’m 30, and most of the people I know have been married for five years, shit is starting to crumble.
Right now, I can think of at least four people who’ve already been divorced. And if the math is correct, we’re not out of the woods yet.
I’ve been through several bad breakups, but I’m certain they don’t compare to what it feels like to get divorced.
While I may have fantasized about what it would be like to get married and be together forever, there is no paperwork, assets, or attorneys when a breakup happens.
Of course, I wish divorce didn’t happen. My parents divorced after 17 years of marriage and I’m still getting over it.
But, I also understand that things don’t work out, people change, and personal happiness is important.
And I also know that not everyone will get a divorce, but I certainly wish people would pump the breaks a little before walking down the aisle. Can we at least agree that getting married before age 26 is a giant mistake?
There are a ton of factors that go into all of the statistics we see on divorce: education level, age, lifestyle, occupational factors, etc. So, solving one problem won’t end divorce for everyone.
And sometimes, things just don’t workout.
In the last year, studies have shown that people are actually waiting longer to get married than ever before.
Why? Because more people (mostly women) are going to college, and lots of them are focusing on their careers and finances before tying the knot.
Results from the Census showed that fear may also be a factor, given that so many millenials are products of divorce.
Delaying marriage often results in making a wiser choice when it comes to a mate — though divorce is not out-of-the-question.
Two men I’ve dated were divorced; and it’s not something that bothers me. In both cases, there were children involved, so the ex-wives were also present at times.
I’m cool with it, although I know it’s difficult for many people to cope with.
I think it all depends on the reason for the divorce. Was there infidelity? Was there abuse? Did it just crumble? Who’s fault was it (…kidding. Kind of.)?
When I think about the people I know going through a divorce, my heart breaks for them.
Some of them are happier now, and some of them are still dealing.
I know that at 25, I was in no shape to get married — even though I thought I was. I had a limited view of marriage, and failed to see it as a true partnership.
I’m a completely different person now, and I’m definitely looking for something different when it comes to a relationship.
But, I also looked way better at 25, had more energy, and much more patience when it came to dating.
There are times I wonder if I missed my window for marriage. Today, my potential partner will have to deal with my spreading thighs, stress-induced OCD, and increasing need for sleep.
On the other hand, I’m not dead yet. And the same goes for my divorced friends.
Sure, it certainly sucks to get divorced young, but wouldn’t it suck harder to get divorced in 20 years?
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather know now that something is going to fail, instead of later.
Now is the time to cut your losses, and put you first, and perhaps, before we’re all too old, we’ll find the missing piece we were meant to be with all along.
Posted on November 11, 2015, in The Ingredients and tagged blog, divorce, Holly A. Phillips, iDigBR, life, love, marriage, single, The Bitter Lemon, wedding day. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.