Addicted to love?

Nothing like a Robert Palmer reference to jump start your Monday, right?

A few weeks ago, a fabulous friend pointed me toward a Modern Love article from the New York Times, “Overcoming Love Addiction: One Apple Martini at a Time.”

The title intrigued me, but the author said things I could really identify with.

My weekend in Pittsburgh turned out to be the worst thing for a love addict: a storybook romance of candlelit dinners and hand-holding in the Mount Washington neighborhood. Two weeks later she came to visit me, and as we walked along a Long Island beach, arm in arm, I felt a high that no drug could ever top.

Two months later she moved west for a bigger job in a bigger market, and her late night “I miss you” phone calls stopped. I never saw her again.

So, I got to wondering… Is there such a thing as love addiction? And, of course, do I have it?

According to an article on, love addiction is a very real thing and it happens when people fall in love with people who won’t return the same love they are giving. Check. And check.

It often happens to those who were neglected or abandoned. And then, this often happens:

This is what goes on with them: First of all, when you are getting neglected and you are spending a lot of time alone, what happens is you don’t know what it means to be connected or relational to other people. You spend a lot of time alone daydreaming and making up fantasies in your head that make you feel better because what you are making up in your head in fantasy will chemically change your body and create a sense of joy or relief. That [chemical change] is what they are actually addicted to. The addiction isn’t to love as much as it is to the fantasy.

Holy. Shit. Holy shit.

So, how do I get treatment? Oh, just like you would with any other addiction, of course: a 12-step program.

Hi, my name is Holly and I’m addicted to love.

I don’t know, the more I read, the less it sounded like me — it said sometimes people who are addicted to love even kill their partner. Uh, no.

I do think it’s safe to say that I’m addicted and/or obsessed with the idea of love. And I’m always very fascinated when I meet couples who truly seem like they’ve found their match. And I wonder how it happened, will it happen for me, and will it be just as magical?

Isn’t that what we’re all asking?

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