Okay, so you may not have heard the name Mick Fanning, but I KNOW you heard about the Australian surfer who nearly got CHOMPED by a shark during a pro-surfing competition last weekend — that’s him!
Any guy who gets chased down by a shark, punches it in the face, and gets away completely unharmed, can take me to dinner. But there’s good news and bad news when it comes to Mick: the bad news is, he’s married. The good news is, not every guy turns into a fat slob once they get married — some actually become professional athletes that beat up sharks!
Fanning is 34 years old, and has won the 2007, 2009, and 2013 ASP World Tour. He has more than a dozen other victories and has proven himself to be one of the best surfers in the world — which would explain why he is married to a model. Le sigh.
But hell, there’s nothing wrong with drooling from afar, right? It’ll be our little secret.
It seems like just last week I had another celeb crush… Oh wait, because I did. And you know what? He was kind of a little mean about it. ‘Round these parts, celeb crushes happen on the daily. They are not to be taken too seriously, so there’s no reason to go acting crazy, K?
So Mick, if you’re reading this, you don’t need to freak out. But if you do freak out, I’ll move right on my merry way — ’cause that is how The Bitter Lemon works. No time is wasted on those who don’t matter.
In other news, I had to take a decent drive late last week for a writing gig. Somehow, I ended up on the Sirius XM Love station (I think it’s channel 17) and I heard this:
…And wow did I get emotional! I didn’t cry, but I was really drumming up some memories. So basically, I need this on vinyl, and a bottle of wine, and don’t call me ’til Monday because I’ll be dancing alone in my kitchen.
“Oh, I’m leaving on that midnight train tomorrow, And I know just where I’m going. I’ve packed up my troubles, And I’ve thrown them all away.”
— Lionel Richie, Stuck On You
The Bitter Lemon 
How was the chef mean to you? That sucks.
He just stopped responding, which isn’t bad, but then I see all of these other chicks posting how much they love him and he at least said he was flattered. Grrr!