A few years ago, I came to an ugly realization: most of my relationships have been rebounds from the previous one. There’s even been rebounds for rebounds. It’s not a fun thing to admit, but hell, admitting it is the first step, right?
A “rebound” is a relationship that comes right after another has ended. It doesn’t necessarily mean EVERY relationship that closely follows another is a rebound (at least that’s what I think), but the rebound relationship is created purely to get over the heartbreak of the previous.
Think about it, you go through a break up and the last thing you want to be is alone and sad. So, you find someone to fill that void. In my experience, I was just avoiding dealing with those feelings of loss.
In a way, it’s good to get right back out there, meet new people and remind yourself that there’s plenty of fish in the sea. But on the other hand, it often leads to settling for less than what you deserve. Bad. Bad idea!
The shitty thing about rebounds is that YOU can say, sure I’m not going to date anyone while I’m on the rebound. But, what if you are dating someone who is? I found this nifty little quiz to help us all figure it out — are we dating someone on the rebound?
- Is your significant other bitter (don’t mind me)? It could be anger toward an ex or generalizations, i.e “All men are shit.”
- Is your date happy to just be dating… anyone? If they don’t seem to care about YOU. It’s time to grab a taxi.
- He/she can’t shut up about the ex. That’s just bad.
- Are things more physical than emotional? Chances are, you’re just filling a space.
- His/her friends, family, coworkers are all shocked this “relationship” has happened so quick.
- He/she is scared of commitment. Won’t commit to something in the future, or even a date Friday night? Bye Felicia.
The one thing people ALWAYS say about rebound relationships is that they won’t last. And while none of my relationships — rebound or not — have lasted, I don’t necessarily think that’s the case.
According to an article in Psychology Today, evidence suggests that rebound relationships can be just as stable as any other:
Further, evidence on the stability of marriages which occur after the dissolution of a previous marriage showed no evidence of a “rebound effect” (Wolfinger, 2007). That’s right: Subsequent relationship success (i.e., does your rebound relationship last?) was not a function of whether the relationship was formed as a rebound or not.
For me, I like to take a break between relationships. However, every relationship I’ve had is different, and often the nature of the relationship (and the breakup) is what determines the length of my “dating vacation.”
What are your experiences with rebound relationships?