A Timeline of My Dating Life.

It’s time to add a little juice to this machine! Over the year, one thing I HAVE been doing is creating a timeline of things that happened in my life — some of them pertain to “How to Make Lemonade,” others don’t.

This is me accepting the fact that my memory sucks, so how am I supposed to write a memoir when I’ve been drinking heavily for 5+ years?!?!

I present to you, the timeline.

1998: I was in 8th grade. My first boy/girl dance, including my first slow dance ever with Evan R. Of course, I develop a crush on.

June 2001: The summer before my junior year of high school which includes many antics with John S., Wil E., Jon J., Pat G, Ian M., and Matt R.

July 2001: I get my driver’s license and my parents divorce.

September 2001: I begin my first job as a hostess at Outback Steakhouse. It’s my junior year of high school and I date Patrick G., my first boyfriend and my first kiss.

December 2001: Patrick G. dumps me because the relationship “isn’t moving forward physically.” I start fooling around with Jared S.

May 2002: Patrick G. asks me to my junior prom, I tell him, “I guess.”

September 2002: Senior year, I am single and ready to mingle, going on dates with Will B. and Evan B.

March 2003: Sheena H. and I go on spring break where I develop a new crush on Zach G. I ask Ben H. to my senior prom and have a HORRIBLE time.

June 2003: I graduate from high school. That summer, Joey U. sets me up with a hometown hottie, Zach C. Hilarity ensues.

August 2003: I move to Baton Rouge to attend Louisiana State University. I join a sorority and get set up for our first event: The Mystery Mad Hatter. My date owns a slave. That night, I meet Justin E. This same month, I meet a boy named DC. I ask Justin E. to be my date for the next Greek event: Classic Grub. He agrees, I get drunk off of amaretto/pineapples. He gets drunk and loses the keys to his BMW.

April 2004: My mom comes to visit me at school for my sorority formal. Justin E. is my date and he gives me an arrangement of yellow roses and lilacs. While we have fun at the dance, it’s pretty much the end of anything romantic between us.

June 2005: That summer, Sheena H. and I are nearly arrested at Evan R.’s lake house. Later that night, things get frisky with Zach G. Weeks later, I start dating Adam J. He becomes my first love.

August 2005: I leave Indiana to go back to LSU and start working at Abercrombie & Fitch

October 2005: I visit Adam J. during my fall break. On my flight back to Baton Rouge, I run into my Abercrombie & Fitch coworker, Austin F. At this point, I only know him from work. Adam J. dumps me two weeks later by ignoring my calls and text-messages. We never talk again.

March 2006: Austin F. asks me on a date in the Abercrombie & Fitch stockroom. I agree, and we go on our first date. I wonder if it’s too soon for a relationship.

April 2006: Austin F. can’t go to my next Greek formal with me, so he says I can ask someone else to join me. I ask Matt T., with balloons and a sign, but he rejects me. I bash him publicly in a newspaper column. Austin F. sends me postcards from his class trip to California.

June 2006: Austin F. dumps me, after he meets my mom, because he wants to work more hours at Abercrombie.

July 2006: Austin F. and I go to a Marc Broussard concert together, which I had previously bought tickets for. We have a physical relationship, which Austin F. tells me he regrets.

August 2006: I start working at American Eagle, in addition to Abercrombie, and meet Eddie G. That same month, I move in with my first male roommate Sean M., after answering his ad in the student newspaper.

October 2006: I get mono from Eddie G., but we travel to Indiana to meet my parents over fall break. He dumps me when we return home by ignoring my calls and texts.

January 2007: My friends Kirk Q. and Nicole E, see Eddie G. at American Eagle in the mall, after I’ve quit working there. He pretends he doesn’t know me.

March 2007: Austin F. and I are talking again.

May 2007: Austin F. graduates from LSU. We go to dinner at Bonefish Grill, the same place we had our first date, and I give him a pair of Prada sunglasses for a graduation gift.

June 2007: I go to St. Thomas with my best friend Angela H. and our mothers. Austin F. is getting ready for his move to Dallas. We spend several days and nights together. Mid-month, we say our goodbyes and he gives me roses and a sweet card. At the end of the month, I book my first flight to Dallas after Austin has asked me to move there.

July 2007: I have nightmares about Eddie G. and his ex-girlfriend Paige. I visit Austin F. in Dallas for the first time and enjoy it. I also get a job interview at a local martini bar, Duvic’s. Austin F. doesn’t want me to work there. I move in with Kirk Q. and Nicole E.

August 2007: I receive job offers from Guess and Duvic’s—accepting both. I make my first trip to Los Angeles mid-month. I have serious thoughts about not moving to Dallas. Angela H. sends me text messages about her parents telling her not to move there either. Late in the month, I have my first shift at the bar and meet Matt B.

September 2007: Late in the month, I cry over a fight with Austin F. when he tells me to “delete” him.

October 2007: I’ve been “talking” to Matt B. and write a story about him for my English class. I have decided not to move to Dallas or visit Austin any longer. I distance from Austin F.

November 2007: Austin F. sends me a Thanksgiving card that is ridiculously weird. He comes to town to visit his family for Thanksgiving, but doesn’t invite me to join him. I spend more time with Matt B., while my mom and her new boyfriend come to town.

December 2007: I graduate from LSU.

February 2008: I stand Austin F. up at Duvic’s and ignore his calls.

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