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In January, I had a scary moment that’s stuck with me.
It was around 11pm on a Thursday, and I was walking home alone when a man approached me and asked for money. I told him I didn’t have what he needed ($23 to be specific), and instead of moving on, he asked me to go to a nearby ATM.
I didn’t oblige, and while the situation wasn’t physical, it was very uncomfortable. I was able to break the situation verbally, kept walking, and, thankfully, made it home safely.
But it stayed with me. Not because something happened—but because it could have. And situations like that have a way of making you replay everything afterward.
What would I do differently next time? What are my options in that moment? How do I protect myself without escalating anything?
What I’ve Changed Since Then
The thing is, I’ve gone so many places and done so many things alone. I am always very aware of my surroundings, and take certain precautions catered to day, time, location, etc. But this event served as a little reminder to not get too comfortable, even if I generally feel safe in Buffalo.
I’m much more intentional now about:
- walking with purpose
- being aware of who’s around me
- not feeling obligated to engage with anyone
That last one was a big realization.
Before, I think I felt a quiet pressure to be polite or at least acknowledge someone if they spoke to me. Now, I understand that I don’t owe anyone my attention—especially not in situations that feel off.
Looking back, I honestly wish I had just walked straight into a nearby hotel lobby and removed myself from the situation entirely.
That’s something I’ll absolutely do in the future.
Small, Practical Adjustments
I’ve also made a few small changes that have made me feel safer day-to-day.
Taking the Train (Even for One Stop)
This might sound minor, but it’s been a big one for me.
Even if I’m only going a short distance, I’ll take the train for a stop or two. It gets me where I’m going faster, and more importantly, I’m not alone—there’s a conductor on board and other people around.
It’s a simple shift, but it adds a layer of security.
Walking Smarter, Not Just Faster
I still walk a lot (it’s one of my favorite parts of living here), but I’m more mindful about:
- sticking to well-lit areas
- avoiding distractions (I was putting in an earbud when approached)
- having a general awareness of exits or open businesses nearby
It’s not about being on edge—it’s about being present.
The “Decoy Wallet” Idea
One thing I carry sometimes is a decoy wallet.
To be honest, I have mixed feelings about it.
The idea is simple: if someone demands money, you hand over a wallet with expired cards and minimal cash so you can get out of the situation quickly.
The key is to make it look like a real wallet, which is why some cash in there is smart. I also have an expired ID in it, some old receipts, etc.
In theory, it makes sense.
In practice, it still relies on you being in a position where you have to hand something over and run, which isn’t ideal. If you were forced to go use the cards, it could backfire.
I’ve never had to use it, and I hope I never do—but it’s something I keep in mind as an option.
What I Learned About Self-Defense Tools
After that January night, I went down a bit of a research rabbit hole on self-defense.
And honestly, a lot of the more aggressive tools didn’t feel right for me.
Between legal restrictions (especially in New York) and the reality of how quickly situations unfold, I realized I wasn’t looking for something that would help me fight someone.
I was looking for something that would help me interrupt the situation and get away.
What I Actually Carry: A Personal Alarm
That’s what led me to the Birdie Personal Safety Alarm by She’s Birdie.
I’ll admit, I’d seen these before and kind of dismissed them. They seemed almost too simple to be effective.
But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
The alarm is:
- small and lightweight
- easy to attach to your keys or bag
- activated instantly by pulling a pin
- loud enough to draw serious attention
And that’s the key.
It’s not about overpowering someone; it’s about creating noise, drawing attention, and disrupting the moment.
Why I Like It (Beyond Safety)
What really sold me on this alarm is its versatility.
Yes, it’s helpful in a threatening situation, but it’s also useful in everyday scenarios, including:
- If you fall or get injured
- If you’re stuck outside in bad weather
- If you need help quickly in any situation
It’s something you can bring anywhere—concerts, sporting events, travel—without worrying about restrictions.
That alone makes it feel more practical than many other options I looked into.
A Familiar Thought Process
This whole experience actually reminded me of when I bought the Flare safety bracelet years ago.
At the time, I was drawn to the idea of having something subtle that made me feel more secure without being intrusive.
From what I can tell, that company doesn’t seem very active anymore (it looks like it was purchased by Invisawear, which has a similar concept), which is a shame.
But the intention behind it—wanting to feel supported, not scared—is still the same.
Final Thoughts
I don’t think there’s a perfect solution when it comes to personal safety.
And I don’t want to live my life feeling afraid to walk home, go out, or explore my city.
But I do want to feel prepared.
For me, that looks like:
- being more aware
- making small, smart decisions
- and carrying something simple that could help in a moment when I need it
That night certainly wasn’t my best response, but it did remind me that feeling safe isn’t about being fearless—it’s about having a plan, trusting your instincts, and giving yourself options.
I’d love to know your tips and tools for staying safe!
The Bitter Lemon 