Tomorrow marks 90 days since I was laid off from my full-time job. I wrote an update for the 60-day mark, and oh, it was so calm and positive.
Well, what a difference a month makes, I guess.
When I wrote my 60-day update, I was feeling much more optimistic than I feel today.
But, as I’ve said before, the mental part of this is the most difficult (at least it is for me).
In the last month, a majority of my freelance work has dried up. I went from bringing in around $4,000 per month, and at the end of October, I’ll have earned about half that (if things continue on this path).
I also got a pretty hefty scare from the Texas Unemployment Office when they sent me a handful of letters saying I was ineligible for payments because I didn’t give them the information they asked me for.
I always check my mailbox — physical and digital — and still have not seen a single request for information from them. I appealed that decision and am awaiting my date for a hearing.
In the last month, I had a final round interview for which I didn’t get the job, obviously. I also had 0 additional requests for interviews, so I’m currently not in the running for a single job despite having applied to 100+ gigs.
I also was summoned for jury duty, which I know is the worst news for most people. While it was a little stressful at times, I was really grateful for six days of an escape, and a tiny paycheck for my time.
It may come as a shock for some, but my current day to day life is pretty crappy, and my mental health has been all sorts of problematic.
And, although I stay busy putting out content on this blog, working on my books, and recording episodes for my upcoming podcast… all of that amounts to $0 in my bank account.
When I had a full-time job, these side hobbies that weren’t bringing me income were a welcome distraction from the stress of my job.
Now, I have to fight feeling like a failure when I compare myself to others, who actually DO make a living off the content they create.
And yes, I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself.
But, it’s so difficult not to go down the rabbit hole of, if only I could get money from this or that…
At the start of my job search, someone on Twitter was kind of hounding me about why I was looking for a full-time job. Why don’t you just put ads on your blog? He asked.
Well, I’ve had ads on my blog for the last 5 years, and those bring in about $200/year (on a good year) and the blog itself costs $100 to maintain the domain and use the platform.
I wish I could live off $100 per year, but I can’t. He then asked about sponsored posts. Yeah, I’ve had a few of those over the years — I’ve had my blog for 12 years — but, even with thousands of subscribers and readers, my followers don’t convert enough for me to maintain that.
I do affiliate marketing, which brings in around $15/month, and I link to my Etsy Shop, which (so far) has brought in around $200 in the last three years.
I bring home about $1 from every book I sell, and I think I sold about 20 copies of my last book, so $20.
I know some content creators and freelancers make thousands of dollars each month, and at times, I wish I could figure out how to do that, but so far, I haven’t.
That’s why I’ve been looking for full-time work. People will message me and say they’ll watch my Hallmark movie, or buy my book — and while I do appreciate that so much, I don’t have an agent.
I may never sell a single script. I may never have a movie made that people can watch. Yes, I’ll self-publish books, but selling one book, sadly, isn’t going to change my situation.
I know this certainly isn’t an uplifting post like my last one was. But, that’s the reality of the situation I’m in right now.
Am I okay? Yes. I am grateful to my former self for saving, saving, saving, so that I’d be okay during times like these. And, who knows, my situation could change in a day.
But today, right now, this is where I’m at.
I’m hoping my 120-day update is much different 🙂
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