WTF are my upstairs neighbors doing?

Pleeeease, schtaaap!

Pleeeease, schtaaap!

About three weeks ago, I started noticing a lot of noise coming from the apartment above mine. It sounded like a combination of dragging heavy furniture across the faux wood flooring and a small bear running on its hind legs from the kitchen to the living room.

The noise was constant from around 8am on a Saturday until 10pm that night. And, it hasn’t stopped since.

About a week into the noise, I did a little rap-a-tap-tap on the ceiling with my broomstick, accompanied by my loudest “SHUT AAAPPPP!!”

But that did nothing, of course. So, I reached out to my apartment’s leasing office to find out what to do. They said I could file a complaint and the first would be a verbal warning.

Okay, filed the complaint.

Maybe it’s just me, but apparently my upstairs neighbors thought that was pretty funny because it appears to have gotten worse ever since. It could also be coincidence, as I’m kind of certain my complex probably didn’t say anything, because that’s the kind of complex this is.

It is at this time that I’d like to inform you that I live in a property owned by Alliance. It would be my personal recommendation that if you’re in the market for a new place, don’t go with Alliance. They own many properties around the country, and if the rest are anything like the one I’m currently living in, they’ll nickel and dime your ass, their maintenance men will enter your apartment illegally, and they won’t do anything you ask.

Now that that’s out of the way, back to the neighbors. I didn’t want to be a total bitch and file a noise complaint every day, but it was starting to get a little ridiculous.

I even came home for lunch one day during the week and the noise was still happening! So, that leaves me to believe there’s at least two people living there and they now take shifts to move the furniture back and forth across the floor, as the energy they’re creating must be powering Round Rock, Texas, in its entirety.

“I’ll take the night shift!” one of them must say to the other; one sleeps while the other stomps, drags the couch behind him, and occassionally drops a bowling ball on the ceiling right above my TV.

One of my favorite blogs, ManRepeller, hosted a writer’s contest about what your upstairs neighbor could be doing. But, at the time, I didn’t have this problem (ah, those were the days). The winner of the content wrote about how her upstairs neighbors were rock musicians without day jobs.

I would be so lucky. Sure, it would get old and probably piss me off from time to time, but at least there’d be some sort of rhythm or reasoning to it.

And I think that’s exactly my problem. When I filed the initial complaint, I was kind of hoping my leasing agent would reply back and say, “Omigosh, we are actually doing construction to that unit!”

Because then, at least I’d know, I wouldn’t really be getting anyone in trouble, and I’d have some sort of answer to my question about what the hell they’re doing up there.

When I’m laying on my couch, attempting to watch TV, and I hear a body roll across the ceiling – I wonder about what this could possibly be. So, I’ve come up with a list:

  • Indoor bowling
  • Bratty child playing tag with himself
  • Dog held in slavery dragging a wheel barrow
  • Cross-fit junkie performing multiple WODs using furniture
  • Amnesia patient rearranging every single day
  • Someone with OCD moving the furniture to clean the baseboards each day
  • An artist covering bowling balls in paint with the floor as the canvas
  • Two old men, with canes, racing across the living room

… the options are endless here. And so is the noise. So, two weeks after filing the first complaint, I’ve filed the second one, which my leasing agent says, is a violation on their lease. I do not think that will make them stop, but the world can only hope, because I could use a little peace and quiet.

I’ll be peace.

…Have a great weekend guys! See you right back here on Monday!

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Posted on June 3, 2016, in The Squeeze and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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