The modern smudging ceremony.

Tuesday night, I smudged my apartment.

“Smudging” is another way of describing a cleanse, often performed in a home or a building in effort to rid the presence of negative energy.

A proper smudging ceremony can be done in many different ways, but they’re often performed while burning herbs (often bundles of sage) and repeating a chant or a mantra of some sort.

I performed my first smudging when I moved into my last apartment. I didn’t get any negative vibes there, I just couldn’t help but wonder what had happened there before I moved in, and what if it was something bad?

And so, it’s probably a tradition I’m going to keep, because really, what do I have to lose?

So, I gathered all my materials: candles, my bundle of white sage, dried eucalyptus leaves, sand, ceramic dish, and my John Mayer records (I’ll explain).

I lit all of my candles, and got my essential oil diffuser going with some eucalyptus oil. Eucalyptus is known for healing the body, as well as its ability to ward off evil and protect us from enemies. Next, I put on my John Mayer record (Continuum, disc 3). During a smudging, you’ve got to be in a positive mindset in order to ward off all things negative.

I put the sand, which is bright yellow (yellow is the color of clarity and new beginnings), in the ceramic dish, which would be used to put out the sage stick once it was over.

And so, I lit the sage stick, let it burn down some and walked very slowly through my entire apartment, waving the smoke into every corner, into every cabinet and drawer, and asking any energy that was not there for positivity, love, kindness, good health, and safety, must please leave.

Once everything was “smudged” I placed the stick into the sandy bowl, and lit the eucalyptus leaves, and placed the bowl by my back door, letting the smoke (along with the negative energy) go out my screen door.

Some ritual experts will say you must go in a certain direction with the smoke, or you must use crystals. But really, the ceremony should be yours. I don’t have crystals, and they kind of weird me out, so no crystals here.

I know I probably sound completely bonkers, but I’m really just a hippie that wants nothing but good vibes. I want my home to be happy and safe, and if burning white sage and candles is going to do it, then I say YES.

I didn’t expect any major changes to occur after the smudging, but lo and behold, Blanche was way less demon-like even moments after. Small victories, folks.

Meanwhile, I was hanging out at the Washatopia last night, when I see this headline: “Good Lord, JustinBieber has a Really Beautiful Penis.”

I couldn’t not look. And I think you should do the same.