7 Unsexy things about me.
Happy Monday! I hope the weekend was fantastic for you — I had yesterday off, and was delighted to spend some time outdoors (working on my tan, as promised) and I met up with a friend to see a classic film: GREMLINS. All good things.
As I continue on my journey of soul searching, I’ve come to face my flaws. Some of them are small; and some I can fix, some I can’t. But that’s just part of being human, right? We aren’t perfect, but life is all about embracing what we’re given. It’s not about where you’ve been, but where you’re going. So, I present to you, a few of my imperfections:
- I’m really unorganized. I’m weary putting this out there while I’m knee-deep in the job search. However, it’s not really the work part of my life where I’m unorganized. I have no choice, really, but to be organized in my work, given that I’ve got several clients and deadlines out-the-wazoo! However, as far as just being organized in general? No. My apartment is usually a mess, and I blame this on two factors: I need more storage and I choose to work and/or sleep over cleaning or organizing 6/7 days a week. If I’m expecting company, I do clean. My purse is also an endless nightmare of receipts, lipgloss, and random crap. And my car has a 50/50 chance of being a mess. I really do LOVE things being organized, but I also don’t want to spend my time off organizing all my shit. So, how am I going to combat this? I have been working the last few months on slowly getting rid of the things that are cluttering my apartment. I’ve taken two trips to Goodwill to donate bags of shoes and clothes to help clear up my closet — I still need to get rid of more. I also donated all of my old towels and blankets to a local animal shelter, and could probably make a second trip. If I end up moving far away in the next few months, I’ll be getting rid of A LOT MORE. So, if you’re in need of anything, I might be able to just give it to you.
- I barely talk to my family. I talk to my mom multiple times a day. Thanks to Facebook, I talk to some of my uncles and recently, two cousins. But I feel like I really never see my family, or talk to them much. As a kid, my parents took me to see my gandparents quite often, or at least for Christmas or Thanksgiving. But one set of my grandparents have passed, and it seemed like the other set was more into drama — I recall fights at the Thanksgiving table; jabs at who had gained weight; and one of my uncles even called me a bitch because of my political affiliation. So you can see why I’ve chosen not to communicate with my family as often as some people might. There were years I was ashamed of this! I meet so many people who are close to their entire families. They go to birthday parties and celebrations all throughout the year. I thought if I admitted I wasn’t close to my family, it would reflect on me. But the truth is, I’ve always wanted to be a part of a big family that’s close to one another. So, I do hope that if I’m ever lucky enough to find a guy to be with, that his family is welcoming to me, and treats me like one of their own.
- I definitely talk to Blanche. While I may not talk to much of my family, Blanche is like a sister to me. An annoying, bratty sister who takes my things without asking and owes me rent money (no, seriously, my complex added “pet rent” to my lease last year, and Blanche has YET to pay a single monthly payment. She currently owes me $90, but who’s counting?). Blanche stormed into my life two years ago, and I always tell her it’s a good thing she’s cute because she sure is a bitch. But nonetheless, I love her, and I tell her when I’m leaving and when I’ll be home. I always tell her good morning upon waking up, and at night when I close my eyes, I tell her good night and that I love her. Sometimes she meows back, but we communicate best when allergy season is upon us — every time I sneeze, Blanche meows at me. I assume she’s blessing me and that’s what our friendship is based upon. I realize this indeed makes me crazy and completely lame, but I’ll talk to Blanche until the day I die — pretty sure she’s actually going to kill me.
- I’m terrible at dating. I know, a relationship blogger and columnist who actually SUCKS at dating. This is just something I’ve come to notice over the last few years; you know what they say, “those who cannot do, teach.” I’ve learned a lot from the mistakes of my past, and I really hope all of my learning will do me some good at some point in my life. Let’s get this correct: I’m good at being a girlfriend, I’m just terrible at getting there. In the past, I’ve been quick to let people in, because I’ve always assumed the best in people. This has resulted in terrible relationships. I think my willingness also comes across as desperation, which is not really me, nor is it attractive. This is something I’ve been working on, and I’m proud to say I’ve been single for more than two years now, and I feel good about how far I’ve come.
- I can’t seem to “get it together.” This kind of goes with the unorganization aspect I mentioned, but also the fact that… there are people out there who live in homes where everything matches and they have no debt, and sometimes, they have no real problems — or at least that’s what it seems to be like. But I still have the pots and pans I got for college and I wish I had the ones you could put in the oven OR on top of the stove. I don’t, so I just try and do the best I can with what I’ve got. And, I’m hoping that, after I find my next career move, I’ll be in a financial situation to treat myself to some new dishes and some artwork around the apartment — but I’ll keep you posted.
- I talk more than I DO. Let’s be clear. This does not apply to my dating or sex life. This is more about my life, in general. I often think, or fantasize about things I want to do, and I never get to do them. I blame this on the fact that I have about ZERO work-life balance, so I’m working on changing that and actually scheduling time for myself, and the things I want to do, and making those a priority.
- I’ve still got emotional baggage. I’ve been through some rough times. Not only with romantic relationships, but also with my family, and it’s safe to say, my career instability has given me some stress as of late, too. But, I’ve been through counseling, and I’m really proud of how far I’ve come. I do feel like I’m finally ready to be in a relationship; that I have the tools to work through problems and stick with my self-confidence in order to make it work.
Posted on July 12, 2015, in Light Pulp, The Squeeze and tagged Baton Rouge, blog, dating, flaw, Holly A. Phillips, not perfect, self confidence, The Bitter Lemon, therapy, work it out, writer. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.