Archive for January, 2012

The list.
January 31, 2012

Yesterday, The Frisky posted an article on “the list.”

You know the list I’m talking about…that list of everything you want in a significant other. Perhaps some of the things on the list are dreamy—his stunning eyes, his golden locks—some of them might be fun—hobbies he’ll have, or those he won’t—and of course, there are the serious ones—his morals and values.

I once had a list like this; but it was years ago, just when I started dating and had no business thinking of “the one.”

It was full of the usual stuff, how he’d look, his hobbies of playing soccer and reading the newspaper, and how awesome he would treat me. Perhaps I should have followed this list closer once I hit college…

I don’t have a list anymore. In fact, I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I need, not want, in another person. From experience, I know I need someone I can trust. And it would be nice to have some good laughs in there, too.

Other than that, I’m still figuring things out. What about you?

When to text.
January 30, 2012

As I venture out more and more in the dating scene, I’ve gotten more annoyed with the amount of text-messaging that happens there.

Yeah, I know I sound like a huge loser, that I’m not with it. Believe me, I do my fair share of texting and have even had entire relationships (or so it seems) via text. But the more I witness it, the more I think texting is ruining relationships.

Think about it. People really DO say things via text that they wouldn’t say if they picked up the phone. I’m not just talking about the 3 am scandy text-message, I’m talking about the weak chit-chat that happens.

I’ve had guys send me one-word message for the sheer sake of me responding, “huh?”

Guess what? I don’t respond to those messages, so the game doesn’t work with me. Call me old school, but if a guy wants to ask me out, it’s time to pick up the phone and call me. I deserve a little effort.

I am not completely against texting in dating, but I think it should be used for logistics—things like, “running late,” or “what street?”

Not full-blown conversations. Those are for the phone and/or dinner dates.

What do you think?

Chronic cuddler.
January 27, 2012

Earlier this week, a local magazine published an editorial I wrote about my neighbor. You can read it here.

Long story short, I went to his apartment for what I assumed was an innocent evening and ended up having to run out of there after he was trying to force me to cuddle with him.

Now, he is known as the Chronic Cuddler.

Although the event was a little scary and uncomfortable, I loved being able to tell my story through writing. It brought me back to my college days as a relationship columnist. I loved fitting a complicated story into just a small amount of space, starting with the problem and ending up at the solution, all in a neat set of lines.

It felt great to do it again, with a much more lighthearted problem.

As for the Chronic Cuddler? He moves out in 4 days.

Blogging in higher ed.
January 26, 2012

In last Sunday’s issue of The New York Times there was an “Education Life” insert full of articles on the modern college student.

As a blogger, I was super excited to check out “Term Paper Blogging,” an article written by Matt Richtel on the idea of the age-old term paper being replaced with a blog.

First off, the article mentions a professor at Duke University who asks her students to regularly publish 500-1500 word blog entries about class readings and current issues. According to the article, she is not alone.

Across the country, blog writing has become a basic requirement in everything from M.B.A. to literature courses. On its face, who could disagree with the transformation? Why not replace a staid writing exercise with a medium that gives the writer the immediacy of an audience, a feeling of relevancy, instant feedback from classmates or readers, and a practical connection to contemporary communications? Pointedly, why punish with a paper when a blog is, relatively, fun?

Thinking back to my college days as an English student, I almost can’t imagine just how glorious it would have been to maintain a blog for class instead of repeating a thesis statement for every page of a term paper!

The article also looks at the other side of the argument, that term papers are there for a reason—maybe the outcome isn’t a great one, but it’s more about the process of analyzing a reading and organizing the thoughts that go with it. There is also the notion that blogging is a more casual way of writing, therefore it won’t teach our students any structure.

But, it must be said that the new media types are what drive the passion in students. Isn’t that what it’s really about?

Her conclusion is that students feel much more impassioned by the new literacy. They love writing for an audience, engaging with it. They feel as if they’re actually producing something personally rewarding and valuable, whereas when they write a term paper, they feel as if they do so only to produce a grade.

I’ve been a writer for 10 years now, a blogger for 4. With three blogs under my belt, it’s easy to say that I love blogs and would recommend one to anyone that crosses my path. For me, blogs are a space to call my own, a place where I can write and publish whatever I please, whether it’s the thoughts in my head, a quick review of the movie I just watched, an analysis of the book I just read, or notes on a recipe I just cooked.

This blog in particular, is a place where I can share my ideas on my memoir; a place where I can get feedback from people I have no physical connection with; and in technological terms, a place to store it all.

What good does your blog serve you?

Caught in the middle.
January 25, 2012

One thing about writing a memoir is the difference between what happened then and what is happening now.

The things I’m writing about, or rather, thinking about writing about when really they need to be edited and rewritten, happened years ago. Many. Years. Ago.

Not only do I have to remember several things about those moments, but often, the most difficult things for me to remember are the feelings that go with them. Some of those moments were so difficult for me to get over that I just had to push them out of my mind to the point of almost forgetting them, in order to move on with my life. And yet here I go, digging them up again.

But today, I’m a different person than I was then. From those mistakes, I gained wisdom. And the question becomes, do you write with the current wisdom, or do you capture the initial innocence?

If it was easy…
January 24, 2012

Just before the new year, I read a book I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on: “If It Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a HoneyMoon,” by Jenna McCarthy.

The reviews for this book promised a hilarious read, and they were right on point.

McCarthy tells the story of life as a wife, and a mother, and all the bumps in the road along the way. Each chapter is neatly organized into life categories such as, housework, finances, raising children, etc.

Although McCarthy freely admits that life with her husband isn’t always a joyride, there is no question that the love is there.

To further prove her point, the book is sprinkled with “at least you’re not married to him…” tidbits from contributors who tell the annoying (and often disgusting) habits of their husbands.

I’m sure I would have loved this book on an entirely new level if I were married or even in a serious relationship having to put up with an annoying male all the time. However, I’m as single as they come, so I just got to sit back and laugh at McCarthy’s arguments and fits with her husband.

Her blog is equally hilarious.

What things does your husband/wife or significant other do that annoys you?

Breaking the pattern.
January 23, 2012

Last week, one of my favorite website, The Frisky, posted an article about dating habits: “10 Unhealthy Dating Patterns And How to Break Them.”

I am a sucker for any article relating to dating, but I’m usually shocked at just how true they are. This article was no different.

While yes, I know there are a few patterns I need to get over…I just didn’t realize how many I had!

Number one on the list I am certainly guilty of: Getting Lost in the Fantasy. In other words, perhaps after one date with a guy, I start to daydream about additional dates, a serious relationship, and…perhaps even marriage. Oh my God, it’s embarrassing just to type!

The Frisky suggests keeping busy after a date so your mind doesn’t dwell and fantasize; also, refusing not to discuss the details with friends. I agree with these solutions, although it’s fun to fantasize and talk to your friends about “what ifs” it just leads to confusion and perhaps bigger heartbreak down the road.

Some of the other patterns include being involved with unavailable men, wanting to fix the other person, and seeking approval. What are some of your dating habits?

Get (p)interested.
January 21, 2012

Well, I succumbed to the peer pressure and joined Pinterest.

If you haven’t heard yet, Pinterest is basically a collection of virtual bulletin boards where you can post pictures, clippings, ideas, etc onto them just as you would a real bulletin board.

I have several friends who’ve been on this for months and have told me, “You just HAVE to get on it!”

Really, I don’t have to do anything. When I heard about Pinterest, I was just confused. Is this the first time anyone has ever thought of keeping pictures they like, article clippings, and recipes?

Not to sound silly, but I’ve been doing that for years. I keep tubs of binders filled with inspiration for writing, fashion, and cooking. Not to mention my office walls are covered with actual(!) bulletin boards.

Sure, I get that now we are exposed to more crafts and recipe and party ideas using Pinterest. But sometimes I just wonder, did you really need the picture of the candy cane straw to think of it?

And then there’s the flip side: Pinterest demeans our creativity. Call me crazy, but I’m a creative soul, and when I think of something cool, I don’t need someone saying, “OH, well she just found it on Pinterest.”

Nonetheless, I joined the damn thing. I only have a few things pinned, but I’d love for you to follow me. Frankly, I can’t figure out how to find anyone on there.

http://pinterest.com/wittywriter7/

Exit Left, Wordlessly.
January 20, 2012

In last Sunday’s issue of The New York Times, there was a great Modern Love article by Aimee Lee Ball, “Exit Left, Wordlessly.”

Read it here.

In it, Ball explains a relationship she had with a Civil War re-enactor. Although she was attracted to him, she questioned some of the stories he told her about his home life. Soon enough, she showed him what she’d found on Google: his house was still under his wife’s name.

He had to spill the news that he was indeed legally married and living with his wife. Ball and the re-enactor went their separate ways before he came crawling back into her life 8 years and a divorce later. He came bearing romantically hand-written letters, champagne and plenty of roses.

However, he was still the same person with a life he wouldn’t share.

Eventually, he bailed on Ball, leaving without a trace.

I’ve been there, and as with any story, hearing those who’ve had it happen to them is always comforting. It’s sad that people can just leave a relationship without warning, or explanation. However, in Ball’s case, she learned she didn’t need the reasoning, because his cowardly behavior was enough.

While years have passed since I was left wordlessly, and my wounds have healed, it never hurts to hear a story like that. So, thanks Aimee.

Drive down memory lane.
January 19, 2012

Before I left work yesterday, I was rummaging around in my desk and came across an old stack of CDs. Near the top was one very dear to my heart: The Spirit Room by Michelle Branch.

This album came out in 2001, when I was a junior in high school.

This was the same year my parents divorced, the same year I had my first kiss, the same year I got my license.

So, I took the CD with my when I got in my car last night. I was shocked at how fast I was brought back, 11 years ago. I felt the same sense of freedom, and could almost feel the wind against my face (I used to drive with my windows down, one arm out the window).

I distinctly recall driving down the long, winding roads of Indiana, perhaps on my way home, or just driving for the sake of it, and listening to this album as loud as I could.

So many of the songs spoke to me regarding my parents, or even my first boyfriend, and Branch herself was just 18.

I loved songs such as, “You Get Me,” about being an outsider, and “All You Wanted,” about helping a friend. The ballads on the album are equally as moving, from the popular “Goodbye to You,” to “Drop in the Ocean.”

I must have listened to the CD hundreds of times, because even years later, I could still sing nearly all of the songs.

What music brings you back?

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