Already, anger has played a pretty big part in my grieving process. Actually, anger has had a role in the relationship I’ve had with my dad for many years.
As described by the experts, this stage of grief can be met with general feelings of anger, along with structured feelings of being angry at a specific person – maybe a doctor, or someone who wasn’t there during the time of loss.
I have had moments of being angry at a specific person, but I also do not want those feelings of anger over that person to overshadow my general sadness over my loss, if that makes any sense. I do not want my dad’s memory to be tarnished by one person is the best way I can put it.
I have also had incredible anger at the situation surrounding my dad, anger at work, and anger at the world for just not being an easy place for me right now. I’ve even gotten angry at Blanche!
At my dad’s memorial service, my great uncle said that memory is not something death can take from us. And for that I am so grateful. But, when it came time to share stories about my dad, many of the stories I have are of him being mad at me.
Of course, many of them are moments I can laugh about now; moments where he was just raising me, being tough on me, but they aren’t necessarily moments that describe him as a person. Or are they? My dad had a short fuse, and we butted heads countless times.
May love be what you remember most.
My feelings of anger are countered by my faith in destiny. I believe there are moments in our life that are planned – such as when and how we will die – but I also believe we choose our destinies. And my dad made choices that resulted in a situation that angered our family.
His death does not change those choices, and he was an adult, actively making those choices. To be completely angry is to deny that he made those choices.
My anger is also countered by the support I feel from my family and my friends – I have heard from so many of you, received so many hugs, and have shared tears with you. For that I am so grateful.
But yes, anger is still going to be there. Studies show that as a culture, we’re taught to suppress anger, even though it’s a very necessary, common feeling. Although I don’t consider myself an angry person, I’ve found anger to be a powerful part of this grief.
My anger has forced me to acknowledge a lot of things in my life that have otherwise floated by, and it’s given me the confidence to confront the people that are pissing me off! In a way it’s good, but of course, no one likes to get yelled at.
As I’ll continue to say, I’m coping. And it’s not really a pretty thing, but I’m just rolling with it.
Tomorrow, I’ll talk about stage three: bargaining.
About a month ago, I was listening to my usual on the way to work, “Wake Up With Taylor” on XM Stars. The guest was Fran Drescher, most known for her starring role on “The Nanny”, but since then, she’s been doing a lot of work to help others in early detection of cancer, and even how to prevent it in the first place.
In the late 90s, Drescher was misdiagnosed many times – doctors were saying she had menopausal issues, but instead she had uterine cancer, for which she was diagnosed in 2000. She had to have an immediate hysterectomy to treat it.
She wrote a book, “Cancer Schmancer” about her experience and included information meant to inform and empower women about the early detection warning signs of cancer – when there’s a better chance of getting rid of it.
In 2007, she launched the Cancer Schmancer Movement, a non-profit organization dedicated to informing and empowering women on health issues so they can detect cancer in stage 1. She also offers a lot of information on how to prevent cancer, and she talked a lot about things we can do today, when she was on the radio show.
Some of the prevention tips she offers, include healthy eating: eating organic and non-GMO foods as often as possible in order to provide our bodies with natural nutrition and maintain a healthy weight; exercising regularly; using non-toxic products in our homes, from cleaning supplies to toothpaste, stick to the natural stuff; and using skin care and beauty products that are also natural and non-cancer causing. The skin is our biggest organ and we’ve got to take care of it!
The fact is, these are all of the reasons I became a Melaleuca member, it’s just that Fran Drescher explains it way better than I can.
Did you know that the things we expose ourselves to everyday can cause cancer, and other health problems, such as asthma or Alzheimer’s? Chemicals in household cleaners, skin care products, food and drinks, beauty products, and even laundry detergents can negatively affect our health.
Enter: Melaleuca, a company that’s been dedicated to health in many ways for more than 30 years. Melaleuca sells products that are not only safe for us to use and non-cancer causing, but their products are also designed to be safe for our planet, pets, and to help us all maintain a healthy life.
Almost two years ago, I went to a party where Melaleuca was presented. The membership was only $1 for the first year ($12 for years following) and you had to spend at least 35 points a month on products – about $50 each month.
I signed up and my mom and I have been splitting the membership ever since. Initially, I signed up to get the all-natural cleaning products, because of my cat. I lost a cat to cancer four years ago, whether it was because of the difficult-to-avoid GMOs in his cat food, or the harsh chemicals I used around the house, I’ll never know. But I wanted to make a change.
So, I started one-by-one, replacing my household cleaners. I’ll say that not only are Melaleuca’s cleaners great – they really do work better than the popular brands – but they are the same price, if not less. They sell their cleaners in concentrated bottles, so one bottle = 3-4 large bottles of cleaner.
And there’s every cleaner imaginable: all-purpose Solumel (I use this multiple times per day), glass cleaner, toilet bowl cleaner, daily shower spray, dish detergent in liquid or in packs, tub and tile cleaner, among many others.
As my membership has continued, I have tried several of the Melaleuca products, including vitamins, sleep aids, pain killers, muscle relief, allergy medicine, lipstick, pressed powder, wax melts, snacks, protein powder and protein bars, energy shots, complete oral care including toothpaste, floss, mouthwash, gum and mints; face wash, toner, shampoo and conditioner, shaving cream, deodorant, lotions, sunscreen, lip gloss, bug spray, essential oils, coffee, laundry detergent and dryer sheets, among others – and there’s a ton of things I haven’t tried!
My mom and I have also gotten free stuff from Melaleuca – you earn cash by ordering your items early in the month, or buying more than your 50 points, or by simply just watching YouTube videos to learn more about the company – we’ve earned more than $100 of free stuff, which can be spent on anything we want!
I’m only writing about this because I’ve realized how much Melaleuca has become a part of my daily life; my every day routines. I know there are lots of people out there that either don’t know about all of the harmful things we’re exposing ourselves to daily, or they’re choosing to ignore it. Melaleuca has made it easy for me to live healthy, even on a budget, which is really important to me – I want everyone to have that chance.
If you’d like more information about becoming a Melaleuca member, I’d love to share it with you! Send me an email at Holly@thebitterlemon.com, or fill out the form below, OR take a look at the site itself. See y’all tomorrow!