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‘Siesta Key’: ‘Garrett Gets a Girl’.

Garrett is SO fine!

You guys. I have been dreading and looking forward to this episode of “Siesta Key” the entire week. I do NOT want Garrett to get with Juliett!

Ugh, ok let’s get into it. At the start of the episode, Alex is helping Kelsey at work while Chloe packs her stuff to move into her own apartment. Chloe was planning to have a party and Kelsey is worried about seeing Garrett there… So Alex suggests he and Kelsey skip the party and go line dancing instead.

Later, Madisson and Kelsey are talking and Madisson says she saw her and Alex kissing. Kelsey admits it, but says she doesn’t know if she should tell Garrett or not. Madisson says she doesn’t owe him that since they’re broken up, but Kelsey knows this will be the end of her and Garrett. For good.

Back at the mansion, Pauly Paul is in the slammer. Alex asks his dad to bail him out, and his dad agrees to, but ONLY because he doesn’t have a father or a mother. And he’s waiting until morning to do it.

Brandon invites Madisson over to his studio and plays a song for her, and it’s basically about fucking hoes. She’s not really impressed… But it sounds fantastic, if I say so. She tells him people will probably enjoy the softer side…

Brandon brings up her ex, and she tells him that Grant asked her to come to New York, but she likes Brandon… So he was relieved by that.

Meanwhile, Pauly Paul gets bailed out and Alex’s dad picks him up and is like WHAT ARE YOUT HINKING?

Pauly Paul says he’s been locked up 10 times and he doesn’t have anyone over him to tell him right and wrong. Eehhhh…

Chloe is getting ready for her party with Juliett, and Chloe says she didn’t invite Alex because she’s still upset about his comments he made in Bimini. Go girl!

Chloe’s party is at the pool and Garrett rolls in with flowers like a gentleman. Garrett is talking to Juliett about how he’s moving on and ANYWAY he’s busy making his personal training website, and if Juliett wanted to be in a video, then ok. She does. And then she drops the bomb that actually Kelsey is on a date with Alex right now.

Bluhla-bluhla-bluhla!!!

At the line dancing bar, Kelsey and Garrett are laughing and dancing and seemingly having a perfect time. And then he walks off and talks to another chick.

Word eventually gets back to Kelsey that Juliett and Garrett are into each other, so that basically serves as her justification for seeing Alex. It’s a giant catch 22 because their using each other to see other people.

Juliett just keeps drilling it into Garrett’s head that yes, Kelsey and Alex hooked up WHILE they were dating, after the gala. This gets Garrett so worked up that he calls Kelsey, tells her she’s full of shit, and says they can’t even be friends anymore.

NOOOOOOO!!!

The interesting thing here is that in the last episode, Kelsey completely DENIES she and Alex hooked up after the gala. But when Garrett asks her straight out on the phone, she doesn’t give him an answer and that’s what sets him over the edge.

Ugh! In the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Juliett and Kelsey finally have a face-off, right after Garrett and Kelsey make out in Kelsey’s company. Ouch.

Yeeeeeep! Until next week…

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‘Southern Charm’: Ain’t No Thang Like a Chicken Wing.

The ‘Southern Charm’ season finale!

Helloooo! I know I’m nearly a WEEK late on my “Southern Charm” recap – I did watch it last Monday night while I was in Indiana, and missed being able to write about it immediately after. But it’s finally here!

You may recall at the end of the previous episode, Landon’s behavior toward Kathryn pretty much shocks the group and that’s where things were left off. The whole scene triggered something in Thomas, and now he’s convinced Landon was just into social climbing, and he’s completely turned off. Relationship = over.

This means that whole beginning scene in the season was a DAMN waste! Argh, Bravo!

On the other hand, there’s Chelsea and Austen. After Austen stood up for Chelsea with the whole Shep shebang, there’s clearly a question in the air about where they stand. Even though Chelsea says she doesn’t want a relationship, they stayed in the same room in Key West, took morning swims together, and seem to be getting along awfully nicelyyyy…

The entire question really comes to a head in one of the final scenes of the season – where Shep has another lady on his lap. Boy is Chelsea FUMING! She confronts him afterward, saying he made her look like a fool, and he’s all, “Well you’re the one who said you didn’t want a relationship.”

So she eats her words and they are officially together. Aw!

Meanwhile, Craig and Naomi are still on the rocks. They have yet another pretty rocky conversation, and it almost looks as if they’re going to break up… but they don’t. However, I am really curious to see where they are at once the reunion airs.

In the end, there were two things that stuck out in this episode: 1. The group spends an entire evening riding around Key West on mopeds, which sounds like no big deal, but it looks hilarious.

Dani faints at a bar and half of the group panics and calls 911, while the other half are out on the town and they speed off to the hospital on their mopeds. It was funny, trust me.

The other thing was that things between Kathryn and Thomas start to get so good… that she tells him she feels the urge to kiss him, so they kiss! By the time the final party rolls around, the entire city knows about it and just CANNOT deal.

Naturally, when the episode ends – we’re left not knowing where they stand. So much reunion fodder!

‘Southern Charm’: Boys Gone Wild.

Austen!

Episodes of “Southern Charm” and “Southern Charm Savannah” sure do perk up my Mondays! Especially after last week’s episode of Shep’s epic downfall, I was ready for last night (I also made vegan tacos, and those were pretty good, too).

The episode kicks off with Cameron seeing what Chelsea is up to, and it turns out, she’s helping Kathryn pick out outfits for a photo shoot and asks Cam to come along – this should be interesting.

Later, JD meets up with Thomas for a drink, and they have a little chat about Kathryn and the kids. Thomas admits she is a “difficult woman to resist”, but then tells JD about his walk with Landon. JD admits that Kathryn may not be too excited about this matchup – understatement of the year!

Over at Landon’s, her dad comes to pick her up and take her to see a property. During the car ride, he looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE else in the world, with just about ANYONE. Once they get to the property, her father says he needs someone to be on the property every day and if she does it, she’d make up to $200,000. But she basically says no, because she wants to work on her website. Lord.

Cameron heads over to Shep’s and she’s a little frightened by the fact that it’s noon, he’s dressed, and his house is clean. They have a conversation about Chelsea, and Cameron tries to convince him that she’s NOT seeing Austen (lies). Shep says he’s not scared of getting hurt, but he’s scared of hurting someone else.

Chelsea and Kathryn start shopping for outfits – Kathryn says she needs to market herself as a “JCrew Bitch”, which she is not – Uh, yeah, no shit! When Cameron shows up, Kathryn could give a flying fuck. While Kathryn is trying things on, Cameron says her birthday is coming up and she would like everyone to come on a trip to Key West, including Thomas – which Kathryn says she’s fine with (buut will she be fine with Landon kissing all on Thomas).

Later, Austen comes to visit Chelsea at work and she tells him that Shep tried to kiss her multiple times the night before, and also said that her and Austen are a “joke”. Needless to say, Austen is pissed, and already made plans to go have drinks with Shep that night. Hmm…. here. we. goo….

Austen meets up with Craig first and tells him what happened between Shep and Chelsea. Then, Whitney comes in… and later, Shep arrives. Immediately, Shep goes in for the digs against Austen. Austen reminds Shep of what he did, and Shep thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Shep also says Austen must not be dating Chelsea because neither of them will “admit it.” Then Shep just blames the entire thing on Cameron.

The next day, Kathryn is scheduled for her photo shoot, and Chelsea is helping her with her hair. Thomas brings the kids by, and it’s actually really sweet. But when it’s time for Thomas to take the kids home, Kensie has an absolute fit… it’s bad.

Later, Naomi and Craig are back in therapy… and it doesn’t appear things are getting any better. He even starts yelling to the point the therapist has to tell him to stop.

…And next week’s episode looks even more firey, y’all!

‘Southern Charm’: Roamin’ Holiday.

They all look so Southern in their whites.

Nothing makes me happier than a fresh episode of “Southern Charm” – especially after part2 of the “Vanderpump Rules” reunion.

Episode two of “Southern Charm” begins with Whitney at T-Rav’s, for a visit. Sadly, Whitney admits that he’s single – and apparently ready to mingle. T-Rav says he wants to see Whitney out every night “closing on-site”, meaning hooking up with chicks in public bathrooms. Oh laawwd.

Katherine goes over to Dani’s house, and she admits to not passing the drug test (the initial drug test we heard about at the end of last season). She also talks briefly about her time in rehab, and says her and Thomas are not speaking.

Katherine says she’s passed her most-recent drug test, which means she may be eligible for joint custody of her children.

Meanwhile, Cameron is heading to Jennifer’s house. Jennifer was pregnant at the end of last season, with a child that was likely to have birth defects. The baby is four weeks old, and has already had brain surgery.

Jennifer says many people in the “group” have reached out to wish her well, but not Katherine.

At Landon’s house, she is having a meeting with her “staff”… huh? Turns out, she is still working on her travel lifestyle magazine. They are hosting a soft launch to show everyone what she’s been working on.

Shep meets up with Craig at the batting cages, where we learn that apparently it was Craig’s original dream to play in the major leagues. What?? Shep then confronts Craig about not graduating from school, and where the application for the bar exam went.

Craig wants to know why Shep is so obsessed with him – obviously, he says, it’s because he’s old and single and just unhappy in his own life. Yeeessshhhh.

Cameron meets up with Chelsea, and I guess she’s got a little crush on Shep… but we all know how that is going to turn out.

Whitney, Austin, and Shep go to lunch, and Shep admits that he thinks Chelsea is beautiful. Whitney notes that Thomas has admitted to “trying” with Landon, but that was the end of the conversation.

At Craig and Naomi’s, he explains the incident with Shep to her, and although she takes his side, she seems pretty annoyed that she’s been working toward getting her Master’s degree, while she’s not really sure what he does all day (hint: he talks to the cat).

It’s the day of Landon’s soft launch party, and I’m already annoyed with her. She’s all, “It feels good to show people I have a job”…umm no you don’t?

Whitney arrives at the party with his date, Daisy… and she’s a lil wild. Then Craig confronts Cameron about everything Shep said.

There’s only a small part of this gathering dedicated to Landon’s website, and in all honesty, it looks pretty basic. But give everyone free cocktails, and sure, they’re going to love every pixel of it.

Shep pulls Landon aside and tells her that some people in the tech industry had a negative experience with her recently – that she made comments about how she only hangs out with billionaires. She denies it and basically tells him to go fuck himself, and he suggests to simply kill with kindness.

Well, she gets even more pissy and is ready to shut the party D O W N.

Later, Shep takes Chelsea on a date for some real fancy cocktails. Cameron joins them to see how things go. Shep explains to the ladies what happened with Landon and the tech investors. And the episode is overrrrrr.

In the preview for next week, it looks like the date with Shep and Chelsea is a success, but may go downhill fast. And then Craig has a meltdown over a charity event.

Cheers, y’all!

‘Mariah’s World’: The show must go on.

Another episode of 'Mariah's World'.

Another episode of ‘Mariah’s World’.

Hello! Thank you so much to everyone who wished me luck and sent me well wishes yesterday – it was very sweet and I really appreciate it.

I’ve got the recap of Sunday night’s episode of “Mariah’s World” for you – a day late – but hey, today may seem like a Monday for those of you that had yesterday off work.

So, the tour is still on, and Tanaka is still hanging around despite the fact that he’s injured and not doing the one job he was hired for: dancing. Instead, he’s wearing a lamb costume.

Meanwhile, another dancer gets injured – because that is how FIRE the show is (it really does look intense, but cool). With another dancer down and a show in two days, Mariah is worried about the lift, and wants to simplify the choreography.

On the plane, Mariah is playing with Tanaka’s hair… and Stella wants to jump out of the place because it feels so awkward. Later, Stella tells Mariah that Tanaka MUST have a crush on her, and Mariah is acting so clueless.

The creative director is not down to simplify the show, so he’s called in some new dancers to help fill in just in time for the big show in Paris.

In other news, remember how Mariah Carey’s social media manager is 12? No, she’s really 12, it’s Stella’s daughter. Like that is a job people my age would KILL for. Forget the money, just the experience itself would be baaaad-assss; and a 12 year old posts a picture of Mariah’s ass in just hosiery, and she gets a little slap on the wrist.

Huh? Child, please.

And then Mariah has her last fitting with her wedding dress, along with her daughter in her little gown. Awkwaaaaard. Obviously this is the closest window I have into Mariah’s life, but I totally didn’t realize she was this far in to the wedding planning before they called it off.

James Packer makes a shocking appearance (although it’s very short), and Tanaka is finally starting to remember, ohhhh yeah, there’s another guy in this picture.

Right before the show, Mariah and her staff learn of the news that Prince has died. Mariah is very upset, as Prince was not only a big inspiration for her career, but also a very close friend.

However, the show does go on, and even with the new dancers – everything looks great (and they’re wearing these awesome hoodies that are completely covered in blue sequins). She has a moment of silence to honor Prince, and then sings “Hero”, and it is quite lovely.

Post-show, Mariah is hosting a vodka launch (her own vodka, and the label is pink). James is there, and he’s all over Mariah… and Tanaka is in the corner, pouting. He’s so sad, in fact, that he slinks off into the elevator alone, as elegant as anyone on crutches can do.

Tanaka is on the roof talking to one of the other dancers, and he confesses that he likes Mariah, and that seeing her with James is bursting his bubble.

In the preview for next week’s episode, Tanaka gets weed and Mariah is all flirty again… oh, boy.

On another note, is anyone watching “The Bachelor”? Don’t worry, no spoilers, but I just want to mention that The Backstreet Boys were on last night’s episode, and AJ and Nick (Carter), looked fine as all hell. Still.