Shannon Maker is a blogger and freelance writer in Des Moines, Iowa, with a passion for photography and cooking. She has a degree in Journalism and Spanish.
She fell in love with different kinds of authentic European cuisine while backpacking and studying abroad in Spain, France, and Italy during her senior year of college and for two years after graduation. She is willing to try anything from Boudin noir (blood sausage) to ox tongue, but her favorite has to be good old fashion pizza. You can usually find her whipping up a new recipe in the kitchen, scouring Pinterest for the latest craft ideas, or playing with her two dogs, Parker and Benny.
I’ve had my fair share of relationships since I reached dating age, but since college I’ve been much more of a passive audience member to my friends’ dating lives than an active player in the game.
During my time as a single gal, I’ve actually learned a lot about relationships. As a bystander, I’ve seen lots of relationships come and go. Like eHarmony points out, they usually end for pretty typical reasons such as incompatibility, each wanting different things out of life, or the love just isn’t there anymore. None of them really comes as much of a surprise. The fights and behavior of the two when they’re together are usually pretty good signs. But when a couple breaks up because one of them cheated, it’s always a shock.
It seems to come out of nowhere. I’ve seen it happen to those who have been married for 10 years and those less than a year into a relationship. It’s heartbreaking no matter how long or brief you’ve been together. If you’re lucky enough to have never dealt with the situation before, you might see it as very straightforward: someone cheated, they’re a horrible person, and you breakup to find someone better. But rarely are the situations that black and white.
There are some instances where people may even side with the cheater, believing their actions were warranted because of the state of the relationship. Sometimes people may even think that the partner is at fault for their significant other being lead astray. In every sense of the word, to be a victim, you must be innocent. Is it possible that the person who didn’t stray isn’t innocent in the situation? Should it really be them that has to reform after the other cheats?
Speaking from experience, infidelity really messes with your head. You feel completely inadequate, betrayed, and naive. You feel as though the person that you were supposed to trust has made a fool out of you. But then, as The Frisky noted, somewhere among the anger and sadness comes the the doubt, and you end up repeatedly asking yourself the same question: Am I at fault?
It’s really a matter of personal opinion, but when someone blames another for the actions they willingly do, it’s really nothing more than a thinly veiled way to justify the act with the misguided notion that two wrongs make a right. The damages that both parties’ actions cause should be individually viewed, not used as a way to justify degrading the relationship further. And that goes for both sexes, both of which I have seen turn the blame to their partner for their own actions.
It’s certainly not just men that are breaking the bonds of trust. In a recent study by Adam and Eve, they found that one third (32.47%) of people in a committed relationship admitted to cheating on their partners. They also found that more women admitted to cheating (34%) than men (30%).
In looking at the survey results, sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk said, “These results are somewhat shocking, because we typically hear about high-profile men cheating in the news… But with more women in the workplace, and the ease of online relationship development, the playing field really has been leveled.”
What’s more important than deflecting blame in a cheating situation is figuring out how you both ended up at this point in the first place. Is one person not having his or her needs met? Are those needs rational or do you feel that they’re unreasonable?
Understandably, some people cannot get past cheating and choose to end the relationship, while others feel that it’s something that can be worked through. If you ever end up in the situation, the most important thing to remember is that everyone deserves someone who is going to be faithful to them. If your needs aren’t being met after you’ve tried talking and working on the problems, the solution isn’t to cheat. Remember, whether or not someone claims that his or her significant other is pushing him or her into the arms of someone else, two wrongs never make a right.
I’m so glad that it’s Friday, for obvious reasons — the weekend is about to get started, AND, it’s another scent profile, this time for Peace, Love, & Juicy Couture by Juicy Couture.
You may have already known that Juicy Couture knew how to make a damn fine velour tracksuit, but did you know they can also craft a perfectly layered scent to suit any outfit? Let’s get the scoop.
This scent has been described as hippie, free-minded, with touches of lemon (shout out), wild hyacinth, sweet apple, and black currant buds. There are also notes of Sambac jasmine, star magnolia, Malibu poppy, honeysuckle, iris root extract, patchouli blossom, sensual musk, and linden blossom.
As said by Nordstrom, “The world’s juiciest message is all about peace and love. And couture, of course! The eternal quest for joy and happiness has been achieved with Peace, Love and Juicy Couture, a whimsical eau de parfum to bring out your inner flower child.
Drenched in florals, this juicy treasure is an aromatic revolution. Savor the fusion of freshly cut blossoms soaked in natural accents and wildly feminine wood harmonies. Liberate your senses and celebrate the freedom of being both hippie and chic!
Top notes: Meyer lemon tree blossom, wild hyacinth, sweet apple accord, black currant bud absolute. Middle notes: sambac jasmine absolute, star magnolia, Malibu poppy, honeysuckle, linden blossom. Drydown: orris extract, sheer patchouli flower, enveloping musks.”
Of the Juicy scents I’ve tried, I’ll say I’ve always been impressed with their ability to mix different notes together for something unique. This one is definitely worth a try!
The scent this week is Gold by fashion designer, Michael Kors. He has a ton of different perfumes (I’m guessing to go along with his many clothing styles), so I’m sure you’ll be seeing his name on these posts quite often.
I’ve got a sample of Gold, and have been spritzing it on every morning for the past few days in preparation for this post — it’s a good scent!
It has been described as floral, tuberose (perennial plant related to the agaves), white floral, a little animalic, with a touch of amber. Gold was Michael Kors’ fragrance, launched in 2011, that features notes of freesia, violet, and magnolia, along with African orange flower, peony, musk, and woods (you know I love a little woods).
According to Makeup Alley, 90 percent of buyers would buy Gold again, describing it as sexy, sweet, big, and fresh.
From InStyle magazine in 2011: “Tuberose – Intoxicating. Loud. Sensual. Sexy. That’s how perfumers describe this heady white flower that can lend a creamy, almost coconut-like aroma to a fragrance, says perfumer Frederic Malle. If you love being in the limelight, this could be your calling card. “You can’t miss a scent with tuberose in it — it’s like saying, ‘I’m here, watch me!'” says perfumer Bruno Jovanovic. Michael Kors Gold. Mixed with magnolia and freesia, this blend offers a slightly lighter take on the classic scent. “It’s for the woman who perhaps hasn’t worn tuberose before because she thinks it’ll be too much,” says designer Michael Kors. “This is her entrée into a white floral.”
After wearing this perfume for a few days, I really do like it — I am a sucker for Kors — but I will admit that the scent fades around mid-afternoon.