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Singletons do Baby Showers.

I'm done with baby showers. #SorryNotSorry

I’m done with baby showers. #SorryNotSorry

Last weekend, I drove the 800 miles to my home state of Indiana. I was invited to a baby shower for one of my best friends; a girl I’ve known since 6th grade.

In December, I offered to host a shower for her, but she told me it would be easier for her other friends to host it.

Her other friends owned homes and were married. I felt like all of the sudden, I wasn’t welcome; my lifestyle was seen as a failure, even by someone who’s known me most of my life.

I felt weird that I couldn’t help my friend celebrate one of the biggest moments of her life, but I also didn’t want to stick my nose where it wasn’t welcome.

I RSVP’d to the shower, and drove the 12 hours to get there. I arrived with another friend and my mom. At the shower, there were the two hostesses, my friend having the baby, and her mom.

I kept waiting for more guests to arrive, but no one ever did. We ate, played games, opened gifts, and reminisced on the old days.

While it was great to see my friend, I started wondering where our friendship was headed. We had tons of great memories together, but when would we really start being friends who celebrate our adult lives together?

I sat there, grinning through conversation I know nothing about: bottle nipples, breathable bedding, and baby baths. I felt like my friend had moved on, and I was left behind.

I was hurt; I felt like I was losing a friend, when it would really just take a little extra work to keep our friendship going.

I had to go to a second baby shower that afternoon, so I’m sure I looked like a giant jerk when I left the shower early. But I also felt confused as to why I was one of three guests at a shower that I wasn’t allowed to host.

I would have rather taken my friend to dinner, given her my gifts, and had a real conversation about her son on the way.

But my friend and I had no other plans to visit each other while I was in town, and I’m not sure when we’ll see each other again. The shower felt awkward, and I cried as soon as I walked out of the door. It felt like a big goodbye.

I know I’m pretty clueless when it comes to kids, and I really hate it when they cry. And yes, I’m single with no guy in sight. But does that mean I can’t have mom friends? It’s becoming a clear reality.

A friend of mine suggested that maybe there’s just a crossroads in life when we move on from our childhood friends and have the friends we’ve made as adults.

As sad as it is for me to admit, maybe she’s right. I have no idea what it’s like to be a mom, and perhaps I never will.

It’s the Great Divide of adulthood: parents vs. non-parents.

The day after the shower, I celebrated the freedom I have of not being a mom, with eggs benedict and bloody Marys.

It seems like every time I go “home,” something big has changed. But I know life is moving however it’s supposed to, and of course, I’m happy for my friend and her growing family.

I don’t know if I’ll go in that direction, but I’m enjoying my time as a singleton, nonetheless.

If you don’t see me around any baby showers for awhile, please don’t take it personal. Chances are, I’m just accepting the fact that I’m in a different club — and I don’t want to get in trouble for my potty mouth.

Still at it: online dating.

Are the times changing, even with online dating?

Are the times changing, even with online dating?

I’m SURE you heard all the hooplah in the last few weeks: Hilary Duff joined Tinder.

I suppose the real craziness over The Duff joining Tinder — I swear I heard this news at least a dozen times — is that she is actually taking it seriously, and is actively going on dates.

I have incredibly mixed feelings about this, and I know I’m probably just going to come across as a crazy person, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. For starters, it makes me really sad to wrap my head around the fact that a gorgeous, talented, celebrity such as Hilary Duff is having to stoop to Tinder to meet people/get laid/get a date, etc.

On the other hand, I’m sure she’s just doing it to have fun and I kind of hate it when we all freak out over celebrities doing “normal” things like sitting at home swiping away right before a new episode of Intervention.

Anyway, I only bring this up because I realize I’ve been talking a lot about online dating lately. And because of that, I’ve been hearing a lot from YOU guys about your experiences in the online dating world — I love hearing your stories!

But what your stories have shown me is that even a world that was once thought of as so modern and unconventional, like online dating, even has it’s changes, but it also is rooted in our antiquated ways, as humans.

Think about it. We’ve heard it before — all of this technology isn’t making us any better at communication, and we could assume this theory is equally true for the dating world. If a person can’t communicate via voice, they probably can’t communicate by email, text, or social media.

When it comes to “typical” dating, we have a lot of questions: when is it okay to call the person? How often should I text? When should the relationship progress physically? Blah, blah, blah…

The thing is, there are just as many (if not more) questions in the online dating world. Just because we’ve figured out the technology, doesn’t mean we’ve figured out the actual dating part.

Since my date about a month ago with a guy from Ok Cupid, I’ve checked my messages a whopping ONE time. I stopped logging into Glimpse altogether.

While I’m not giving up on it, it’s safe to say I’m taking a small break, partly because other areas of my life have taken over, and partly due to the fact that when you think about it, there’s just too many questions.

Fresh Friday: Very Irresistible.

Can YOU resist Givenchy's  Very Irresistible?

Can YOU resist Givenchy’s Very Irresistible?

Well y’all, we’ve survived yet another week! There are times when I just can’t believe I’ll get through another busy week, and then Friday rolls in like nothing else. A week from today I’ll be on the beach at Hangout Fest, so I’m keeping my eye on the prize!

This week’s Fresh Friday scent profile is on Givenchy’s Very Irresistible — an homage to Givenchy’s early days, when cinema and fashion inspired each other.

As described by Sephora, “Very Irrésistible Givenchy unites the elegant tradition of French style with the energy and pop-culture pizzazz of American film. Bursting with roses and infused with star anise, and verbena leaf, Very Irrésistible Givenchy is a fresh departure from the traditional floral fragrance.”

This perfume for women features notes of Centifolia Rose, Peony Rose, Fantasia Rose, Passion Rose, Emotion Rose, Verbena Leaf, and Star Anise.

As you can tell, Very Irresistible is a very floral scent, and even has a touch of powdery softness that’s incredible feminine. This perfume is definitely glamourous!

I hope you all have a fantastic, relaxing weekend, and don’t forget to show mom just how much you care on Sunday!

8/50 Shades: Sunset Angora.

Rockin' the Angora Sunset.

Rockin’ the Sunset Angora.

I’m continuing on my journey to discovering the perfect pink lipstick — The One that I can always count on; the one I toss in my purse when I’m on the go and in a hurry to look fabulous. This is not much different than my hunt for the perfect nude nail polish.

My mom is in town visiting this week, and in honor of Mother’s Day on Sunday, I asked her to help me with this review. She said pinks never work for her — she doesn’t think her teeth are white enough (that’s what I always think when I wear a red lip).

So my mom tried L’Oreal Colour Riche in Sunset Angora (#176). She liked that it was “corally” instead of a true pink, and noted that it was very creamy upon application. Score!

I’ve used two of the Color Riche shades before: Blushing Sequin and Pink Cashmere, both of which were long-lasting and provided bold color.

What do you look for when shopping for the right lipstick?

About that spark…

'Cause baby you're a firework...

‘Cause baby you’re a firework…

I’ve been on OK Cupid for almost a year. It’s not my favorite way to meet a potential boyfriend, but I just look at it as having another stick in the fire.

A few weeks ago, I met up with guy no. four from Ok Cupid. We messaged for a few weeks before meeting face-to-face, but the messages were short. He said he really liked to just get to it and meet the person before getting into any serious conversations via online messaging.

I really appreciated that — no sense in wasting time.

So, we met at Nino’s, where he had a reservation.

He was definitely the same person in his picture (always a plus), and we had a really nice dinner. Over wine, salad, and seafood, we talked for hours.

On paper, it was a pretty perfect date. He was polite, the food was great, the atmosphere was a little romantic, we had plenty to talk about, and we laughed a lot.

But I didn’t get that feeling. I wasn’t sitting there wishing he’d kiss me at the end of the night.

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, and I’ve noticed it’s a pattern when it comes to the men I meet online.

When you message someone online, it’s impossible to tell if there’s going to be a physical spark once you actually meet in person.

The thing is, I was really disappointed when I didn’t feel that spark! As we were eating, I was thinking to myself, “Holly, this is the type of guy you should be dating.”

He’s smart, in shape, has a good job, goals, and he seemed to have good, genuine intentions.

I think some of my friends mistook the lack of spark for superficiality, which isn’t true. But while physical attraction isn’t everything in a relationship, it is a part of it.

And, I’m well-aware that I’ve dated men who are in no way conventionally hot, but I’ve found them to be very hot and the sparks flew.

I’m not superficial, but if you think sexual chemistry, or that physical connection isn’t vital to a relationship, you’re denying our nature as humans. We were created to have sex. Period.

At the end of the day, I want to be dating someone that I just cannot wait to make out with. Is that horrible? Yes, I’m hoping to connect with someone intellectually, but it has to be there, physically.

“Don’t you hate it when that happens?” My gym buddy could relate to me.

Yes, I hate it so much I almost feel guilty for feeling this way.

Truthfully, I’ve yet to feel a spark with anyone I’ve met online. There are times when I wonder if something is wrong with me. But instead of dwelling on it, I always tell myself that perhaps the person just deserves another chance.

A spark can grow over time, right?

I usually go on a second date with the person (if they ask, of course) to see if there’s something there or not.

After the dinner at Nino’s, we hugged goodbye, and when he got home, he sent me a text saying he had a good time.

I never heard from him after that, and I wonder if he felt the same way I did. It was a great date by the looks of it, but maybe missing that vital part of what makes a relationship exciting.

And it’s okay if he didn’t feel it, either. Because everyone deserves that feeling; that spark of something new and promising.

Pic of the Week.

Roooooooad trip!

Roooooooad trip!

I spent a decent amount of my weekend driving to and from Indiana. I got up Friday morning around 3am and drove the 12 hours to Bloomington, spent Saturday attending baby showers, treated myself to a day of Sunday drinking, and hit the road Monday morning at 4:30 to make it back to Baton Rouge.

It’s been YEARS since I’ve made the drive from Louisiana to Indiana, and I always get a similar feeling when I do it — I’m excited for it when I hit the road, and then about 10 miles into the trip, I realize it’s a long road ahead. Literally.

The cool thing about road trips, though, is that they have this weird ability to temporarily free you from your problems, as you’re driving away from them. It gave me a chance to listen to a ton of music, catch up on old episodes of Johnjay & Rich, and I even listened to a few chapters of an audio book (“How to be Single” by Liz Tuccillo).

Although it was an exhausting drive, it’s a little thrilling to know that if I ever wanted to, I could totally get to Indy in 12 hours and spend a weekend with my friends.

It probably comes as no surprise that I don’t visit Indiana that often. Usually once a year, maybe twice if I’m up for it. And even though I haven’t officially lived there in 10 years, Indiana has this incredible way of delivering life lessons to me — sometimes in the form of a beautifully painted sunset.

It seems like every time I go back to the Midwest, the people I once knew so well have changed. Some for the better, some for the worse, and it always lends a little perspective.

On Sunday, I joined my best friend for brunch before we packed a picnic and ventured to the Indianapolis Museum of Art’s 100 Acre Park to see “Funky Bones” — an outdoor art installation featured in “The Fault in Our Stars.”

It was the simplest day: Bloody Marys, a picnic in a park, a dog, a few pieces of art, and a beautiful sky. It’s the best reminder of why we’re here. These are the moments to live for.

It’s not often (at all) that I get a day off from working; lately I can’t even seem to get five consecutive sleep each night. But I was also reminded of why I work — so I can afford to appreciate the road trips, the days off, and the bottles of wine (heh).

Growing up sure is tough at times, but we’re all doing it, right? Perhaps not willingly, but I think of growing pains are starting to fade.

Things I’ve Learned from ‘Girls’

The cast of HBO's "Girls"

The cast of HBO’s “Girls”

I don’t have HBO (not yet, at least), but I kept hearing about how awesome “Girls” was… I had to see it for myself. So, I asked for it for Christmas, and I got the first two seasons on DVD. I started watching it immediately, and I finished both seasons in probably three days.

And just when you thought you couldn’t learn anything from watching TV, I’m here to prove you wrong, my friend. Here’s a few things I’ve learned from watching “Girls” — well, so far:

  • Everyone has a battle. Right in the pilot, one of the main characters, Hannah, loses her job (or her internship) and she gets cut off from her parents. So, she’s 24, living in New York, with no money. The struggle is real.
  • There’s that guy. At first I hated the character of Adam, because he treated Hannah like absolute shit. He reminded me of a few of my exes. Buuut, over the episodes, I’ve come to like him.
  • No one’s getting THE emails. I relate to Hannah the most because, well, she’s an aspiring writer, she’s got a decent case of OCD, and she constantly makes the WRONG decision. One thing I do when I read a great book is contact the writer anyway possible and tell them how great it was. Sometimes, I get a reply and it’s really nice, and other times I don’t hear back at all. It’s not about the reply; I just want the writer to know their work had an impact on me in some way. There’s a scene in season one when Hannah runs into a former professor of hers, and she tells him she was going to email him regarding his latest book, but she figured he already got a ton of “those” emails. “No one’s getting enough of those emails,” he tells her. Spread positive words, folks!
  • A significant relationship can last two days. In season two, Hannah meets a guy at the coffee shop and ends up at his house (to apologize for dumping the coffee shop trash in his trashcan). She goes inside, they talk, they have sex, and she stays there for two days. And then she passes out in his shower and shit gets weird, she leaves, and they never talk again. PREACH.
  • Abortions and miscarriages, they happen. Right in season one, we find out that Jessa is pregnant and she wants an abortion. While I’m not throwing abortion parties, I do appreciate the fact that a popular TV show had this as a main portion of its plot, because these things do happen, no matter what you believe. Her friends were there for her; and nature stepped in, anyway.

Where There’s Smoke…

Oh, hiiiiii.

Oh, hiiiiii.

There’s something sexy about a man in uniform. I’m not a huge fan of cops, but I’ll take a soldier or a sailor any day.

Uniforms are hot, but I think it’s more about a man putting his life on the line for the community, or the country, that really turns me on.

As a result, you can imagine my surprise and delight when a firefighter walked into the shoe store where I work last week.

“Hey, you look just like Emma Stone,” he said. “Actually, you’re much prettier than her.”

Now this was just getting embarrassing.

Of course, I didn’t know he was a firefighter right away. But he was very attractive.

He started asking me what there was to do around town. Given that I’m usually selling shoes or hunkered over my computer at home, I’m probably the wrong person to ask.

But I gave him a few suggestions, all of which included live music and drinks.

He said he was in town from Austin, for a firefighter’s convention. His name was Robert.

“Firefighters go to conventions?” I asked.

He acted as if that was something I should already know, and suggested I call him when I got off work.

He gave me his card. I told him it was nice to meet him.

For the remainder of my shift, I wondered if I should actually call or text Robert.

After all, he was hot, a firefighter, seemed nice, and was only in town for a few days (read: no strings attached).

A fling could be good for me, I thought.

The next day, I was back at work, organizing a jewelry rack, when I saw Robert had returned. He was chatting it up with my gorgeous, blonde manager.

“What’s there to do around here?” he asked her.

My jaw dropped, and she quickly told him she had a boyfriend.

Robert turned, saw me watching the entire exchange, and merely said, “Oh, hey Holly.”

I gave a half-smile.

Seriously?

There are days when I leave my apartment feeling on-point; feeling like I’m looking pretty cute. But I know I can’t compare to someone with a model body or the makeup and hair of Kim Kardashian.

I do my own hair and makeup, I try to stay slim, and I wear jeans and graphic tees. The day Robert came in, I was wearing a shirt that said, “Coffee Saves Lives,” a personal belief.

My friends always say, “But you’re the kind of girl someone actually wants to be with.”

And just when I feel okay, a guy like Robert shatters my small collection of confidence.

I get it. He was in town for a weekend and was looking for some fun. I can’t blame the guy.

But at the very least, have some decency to hit on ladies that work in different stores. There’s a whole mall to explore, dude!

If I hadn’t seen him hitting on my coworker, I wouldn’t have thought anything about us having a fling. I probably would’ve taken a shot of vodka and decided Robert was a saint.

But that’s not what happened, and in some form, Robert did me a favor.

When he left the store, I told my manager what happened.

“Oh no, girl,” she said. “He was a loser.”

We both laughed and that was that.

But don’t worry, I haven’t given up on firefighters, or any man in uniform for that matter.

I’m just hoping I can meet my firefighter in the movie-kind of way. My apartment complex has a restaurant attached, so the building’s smoke alarm goes off on the regular.

Maybe I’ll finally get rescued.

Pic of the Week.

Sunday night, I posted on Instagram saying I’ve been living off a diet of John Mayer songs (yum!) lately. And while that’s been true for a majority of the last 14 years, my relationship with music ebbs and flows just like any other.

At times, I’m so happy I want to sing and dance to any song. And there are other times, when I need songs that reach far into my soul, that it’s like the singer/songwriter lived the moments of my life, and took the words straight from my brain before I even understood a word that would even fit the way I felt.

I know that soul searching is a life-long journey, but I sure as hell feel like I’ve done a bunch of it over the last six months. I’m finally realizing just how creative a space I’m in right now… and it’s pretty cool. In this headspace, sometimes I feel like the only people I can relate to are the ones in my playlist. So, pretty much everywhere I go, I’ve got music on — in my car, in my apartment, and anywhere in between (I’m addicted to my headphones).

I wish you places that still so still, where people never ever change and never ever will.”

—Marc Broussard, Gavin’s Song

Many years ago, Daniel Levitin (a prominent psychologist who studies the neuroscience of music at McGill University in Montreal), wrote a book, “This Is Your Brain on Music,” which has been on my reading list for years. But seriously, what DOES happen to our brains when we hear a song?

Don’t worry, I found an article on CNN.com that has some cool facts. One, listening to music lowers anxiety (YAS!). It also mentioned a study that proves how music has the power to unite all sorts of different people.

The kind of music I listen to definitely depends on how I’m feeling or what I’m going through at any given time. In general, I love all sorts of different music.

I love listening to John Mayer, well for several reasons, but for one, I feel his sound and his lyrics have matured at the same rate as my life. His music was pop-heavy when I was in high school, and over the years, the music has developed into blues, and even grazing western sounds, and his lyrics have covered self-discovery, love, marriage, family, and life expectations. He sings my soul, y’all.

Music combines my two loves: dancing and words. I love to dance (even though I’m not good at it like I once was) and I love words, and words that go together in a way that make sense to the masses.

What kinds of music have you been listening to lately? What songs, no matter how old or new, really make you feel some type of way?

“So scared of getting older, I’m only good at being young.”

—John Mayer, Stop This Train

 

Marriage expectations. 

Aisle, reception... now what?

Aisle, reception… now what?

I spend a decent amount of time telling myself that it’s likely I’ll never get married. No, I’m not saying that to be dramatic, I just have this feeling that something different is in the cards for me.

Because of this, I’ve really never thought much about what it would be like to actually BE married. Of course, I’ve imagined it, but by now we all know my imagination gets a little wild.

But about a year ago, my mom came to visit and she was a guest on my podcast, Learning From Strangers. If you haven’t listened before, my cohost is a married (and very funny) guy, so I suggested him and my mom discuss marriage expectations. I would chime in when possible.

It turned out to be a pretty decent discussion. One thing my mom said really struck me: marriage is not a game changer. As in, it’s not a fairy tale that’s going to solve all of your problems.

It sounds like a no brainer, but I’ve been to several beautiful weddings over the years, and it’s easy to fall into that trap of thinking, “Oh, if I could just get a boyfriend/fiancé/husband… Then everything would be great.”

My mom’s statement really got me thinking about every day life – what mine is like now versus what it would be like if I were married.

Right now, my life is incredibly hectic. I get up around 5 every day, and I write or edit until I need to shower/get dressed for a meeting. By 5pm, I try to be at the gym, get a workout done, and head back home to edit and/or write until I’m too exhausted to make sense.

In a way, my life (while it doesn’t sound it) has luxuries in that everything I’m doing is directly for me. I really don’t even have to consider anyone else! Kind of weird when you really think about it.

But I know it’s a double-edged sword, and that if I had someone else to consider, he would (presumably) consider me, too, and maybe he’d cook dinner for me or start a load of laundry, and in turn, we’d watch TV together or perhaps get more than 5 hours of sleep. Win-win.

On the podcast, we talked about lots of other expectations like cooking, cleaning, staying in shape, opinions on cats (!), laundry, singing, bathroom etiquette, and day drinking.

Here are my thoughts in a nutshell: yes, sorta, yes, YAS, meh, no, ugh, and yep.

But I’ve got to know about YOU, because I think a lot of my readers are married. What were your marriage expectations? Did marriage measure up, or even exceed them? What should a singleton like myself be thinking about when it comes to marriage expectations?

PS. I’m totally obsessed with this video, and I’d be lying if I didn’t spend a decent chuck of my Sunday night practicing the dance moves in it, whilst putting away the dishes and scrubbing my countertops. “I’m fresher than yooouuuuuu…” Because that’s what I can do as a singleton. #HoldThatCupLikeAlcohol

Fresh Friday: Miss Pucci. 

 

 Happy Friday, everyone! Is it just me, or have these weeks been flying by lately? In a way, it makes me happy (I’ve got a beach trip approaching), but I am struggling to keep up with all of my deadlines. #WriterProbs 

Deadlines and time aside, I am shocked I’ve had more than 30 Fresh Fridays, yet I haven’t mentioned a fragrance I’ve worn for years: Miss Pucci by Emilio Pucci. 

Every year for Chritmas, one of my best friends gives me Sephora’s perfume sampler box. It has 10-12 of their bestsellers (in mini sizes) and it comes with a coupon to get one of the featured scents in a full-size bottle! It’s such a great gift! 

The first year I got it, it had Miss Pucci in it, but I couldn’t decide between that and Michael Khors’ Very Hollywood. Well, after a very serious decision-making process (I think there was a Venn diagram involved), I went with Very Hollywood. 

But I still loved Miss Pucci. I used every drop of my sample bottle and the following Christmas, I hoped it would be in the sampler box… It was! I tried to maintain objectivity when selecting my full-size bottle (I really do take it seriously, I’ve yet to decide my bottle from Christmas 2014), but I got Miss Pucci and never looked back! It’s such a fresh, versatile scent. 

As said by Sephora.com, “Youthful, fresh, and seductive, Miss Pucci is undeniably modern while opening a window to the retro Pucci lifestyle of vibrant color, perpetual motion, and sun-soaked destinations. This sparkling musky floral comes alive with the elegance of magnolia and the lightness of Sicilian winter lemon, playfully blossoming to heart notes of Turkish rose and seductive Comoros ylang-ylang. 

Its base lingers on woody Texas cedar, powdered iris from Florence, and the delicate sensuality of white musk.The bottle, created by Parisian designer Ora Ito, uses kaleidoscopic ribbons of color to playfully tie together feelings of freedom, sophistication, and beautiful style that belong to the quintessential Pucci girl.”

Texas cedar? You had me at yehaw. 

Miss Pucci features Notes of Sicilian Lemon, Turkish Rose, Comoros Ylang-Ylang, Tunisian Orange Blossom, Arabian Jasmine, Texas Cedar, Florentine Iris, and Musk.

I hope you’ve all got a fantastic, relaxing weekend planned! I’ve got work to catch up on, but don’t think I wont be watching my fair share of trash TV including (but not limited to) the Bruce Jenner-Diane Sawyer Interview, the season finale of Secrets and Lies, and Intervention. 

Becoming Strangers.

Hey girl, I never want to talk to you... EVER.

Hey girl, I never want to talk to you… EVER.

I’ve had a crush on this guy, Brian, for more than10 years. He went to my high school, and last year we reconnected.

He lives in Indiana, and we had a date night when I was in town last summer. It was fantastic. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder about the potential of a serious relationship with him.

After our date, we continued to keep in touch. I sent him cards in the mail, we read a book together (and called it “Book Club”), and made plans to meet up again in May.

Around Valentine’s Day, he confessed he wished we were able to celebrate together. Uncharacteristically, he apologized and told me he knew he hadn’t been the nicest person to me, and he appreciated my company.

He even told me that he checked his phone every day to see if I’d texted him. It was very sweet and I was touched.

I asked him if he’d be interested in having a “FaceTime date,” so we could see each other. He said yes.

The day of our date, he said a work friend had come in town and wanted to do dinner. I said we could reschedule. He asked if I was mad, and I said, “Of course not.”

His friend was a guy, but I told him if he’d have ditched me for a girl I might have been a little jealous.

Brian didn’t reply, but I didn’t think much about it.

The next day, about an hour before our FaceTime date, Brian sent me a text saying he didn’t want to talk to me, ever.

“Your text freaked me out,” he said. “We aren’t even dating and yet I will date other women.”

Huh?

I tried to explain that I was just playing; I never thought or said we were dating; and we were both certainly allowed to date anyone.

But my text went ignored. I had done something so terrible, it didn’t even deserve a response.

Honestly, I get rejected all the time. The time I spend fretting over it is relative to how much I cared.

This time, I crawled into bed when the sun was still out, and I cried.

In the midst of my blubbering, I started to wonder, why are we so quick to cut people out of our lives?

Sure, I pissed Brian off. But was it something bad enough to warrant The Ice Age treatment?

I don’t know why he told me all that sweet stuff and then closed the door on me, only weeks later.

It seems like he was trying to tell me he was dating someone else, but why not just say that?

Because of the way he left things, I’ve got no closure, and only speculation.

A few weeks ago, I went to the midnight premier of the latest Nicholas Sparks’ movie, “The Longest Ride,” and one of the main characters said something to the effect of, how sometimes the people we are closest to can become absolute strangers.

I’ve dated a lot of people that have just fallen off the face of the Earth. And I understand that’s the risk when we get close to people. But it makes me sad.

As I get older, I realize just how little time we have. The days and weeks are flying by and we can’t find it in our hearts to give someone a second chance?

Note: this idea does not apply to any situation that includes abuse, addiction, or infidelity.

I doubt I’ll hear from Brian again, and my closure will just have to be the confirmation that he’s not the one. I need someone who’s willing to forgive.

Introducing the friends.

Couples' night!

Couples’ night!

Alright, I’m going to admit that I’m really bad about this whole “Introducing the significant other to your friends” thing.

In the past, I get really excited when I meet a new guy and we start hanging out (who doesn’t?), and I want him to meet my friends, whom I love so much. I don’t mean for it to be a serious thing, although it is a good idea to see if he fits in with the crowd.

What ends up happening is that it doesn’t work out with the guy, we stop talking, and my friends (or I) never see him again. And I’m left feeling like a big jackass because I just introduced a guy to my friends who ultimately was a blip on my life’s radar.

My friends have assured me that I shouldn’t feel like a jackass — they’ve been single, too, and they know how it goes. I still feel stupid.

In my recent dating adventures, I told myself that I wasn’t going to introduce a guy I’m seeing/talking to anyone, until things are serious — as in, we’re exclusive, and in order for THAT to happen, we have to have been talking for at least three months.

I know, rules. But if I don’t crack the whip, I’m just going to stay single forever, right? I still might ;)

Anyway, I did a little Google searching to see what the interwebs had to say about the matter, and I found a few things.

For starters, YourTango.com suggests that meeting the friends too early can actually put pressure on your FRIENDS, because they feel like they’re pressured to make relationship decisions for you. I’m not sure if this is true, but… they do suggest waiting to introduce a guy until you’ve been on at least three dates (duh) and to keep it casual for the first meeting.

I found some decent advice on April Beyer’s website, which suggested asking yourself WHY you’re introducing your girl/guy to your friends — approval? Locking in the idea that you’re a couple? April suggests waiting until it feels natural, which sounds like a solid idea.

It’s safe to say it’ll be awhile before I introduce a guy to my friends, if I’m ever that lucky. But when I do, I’ll make sure I’m doing it for the right reasons.

Exes: Married With Children.

When your ex straight up moves on... with a wife and a kid.

When your ex straight up moves on… with a wife and a kid.

Sometime last week, I wandered over to my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page. It’s something I do when I’m feeling rather low about myself, even though looking at his page usually makes me feel worse. Call me a masochist.

Right away, I saw what I figured would be there: his profile picture was a tiny baby. His baby.

Because that is what people do; they get married, and within two years of being married, they have a kid.

When I found out my ex was getting married two years ago, I also found out via Facebook. I was stunned, to say the least, because we’d just broken up a year before.

It was a shitty way to confirm he was cheating on me for the greater part of our four-year relationship.

When I confronted him about it, he lied of course, saying their relationship just moved very quickly.

Finding out an ex is getting married is different for everyone; the reaction is probably relevant to how things ended.

Almost all of my exes are married, and as pathetic as it sounds, my heart broke a little when I found out about each one getting engaged.

I don’t believe any of my exes were “meant” for me, I think it’s more of admitting to myself that they found some sort of happiness with another person that I’ve yet to discover.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified that maybe I’ll never find that level of love, commitment, and happiness with someone.

This particular ex isn’t the only one of my exes to have a child. I think the nature of our relationship is what makes it sting a little, even years later.

We met in college; we were both bartenders at a place under the overpass. Our relationship was fun-loving from the start. It didn’t take long for me to sleep with him, and because of that, I fell for him very quickly.

Although he told me he loved me, his actions showed me that we weren’t on the same level. I loved him more than I’d ever felt for anyone else. And that’s still true today. Enter: the bitterness.

He always told me marriage wasn’t “for him,” and he never talked about wanting children. Those are things I wanted, and to see him married, with a child… it feels like everyone around me has moved on and up, while I’m still here. And still single.

As a singleton, I constantly have to remind myself that just because someone is married, doesn’t mean they’re in a perfect relationship. And just because I’m single, doesn’t mean I’ll never find someone.

Perhaps seeing an ex move on is just a refreshing sign that people can change. Or maybe it just proves that he/she is great at living one giant lie after the next. Now, who wants to hit up happy hour?

Pic of the Week.

All the proper fixins' for a movie premier!

All the proper fixins’ for a movie premier!

Thursday night, I could not wait to finish with work, jump into my sweats and walk right on over to the movie theatre for the midnight premier of “The Longest Ride,” a film adaptation of the Nicholas Sparks bestseller.

I was really excited for several reasons: 1. the book was fantastic. I have very, very fond memories of laying out on my terrace, getting a tan, sipping on a wine spritzer (no, seriously), and falling in love with this unique story, 2. SCOTT EASTWOOD IS FINE, and 3. I allowed myself a cheat and got a junior popcorn, with butter.

Um, hi.

Um, hi.

But seriously, that second point needs to be mentioned one more time… because how have I not noticed him nor his hotness before now?

Anyway, “The Longest Ride” is the story of two couples — very similar couples — in different time periods, whose lives intersect in a very unique way.

The movie and the book tells both of their stories, while in turn, offering a tale of love… as only Nicholas Sparks could. Read more about the book from a previous blog post, here

I think this movie struck me in an interesting way, because some of the issues in the story are easily things that could happen to anyone. Lately, I’ve been having a lot of questions and uncertainty when I think about love and my future. The movie touched on those issues, and although it was a little overwhelming at midnight on a Thursday, it was cathartic.

While I’ve seen all of the movies and read nearly all of Sparks’ books, this one is definitely one of my favorites (I just love “The Last Song”). I don’t, and won’t, spoil the movie for you, but per usual, don’t forget to pack the Kleenex!

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