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Finding Your Fetish.

Holding the power.

Holding the power.

“You like that?” he whispered into my ear. It was something he — a guy I was seeing — liked saying as we fooled around.

If there’s one thing I’m terrible at in bed, it’s talking dirty (ask me to write dirty, not talk).

But later, over a tray of raw oysters, he asked me if I liked receiving oral sex.

Um, yes. Who doesn’t?

He was silent on the matter, piling on ridiculous amounts of horseradish before he ate each oyster.

“Why, is that your thing?” I asked, now curious. If you’re a woman who loves receiving oral sex, you dream of a man that’s really into it.

“No,” he said. “I enjoy doing it, but it’s not my thing.”

What was his thing? Tossing salad.

Before him, I’d never had anyone travel in that direction. While I didn’t mind it, it wasn’t something I found pleasurable.

Let’s face it, it’s a little awkward — his face was in my ass. There’s no 69-esque position that allows anything to be done to the other person. And all of the sudden, I felt self-conscious about the sitation back there. Should I wax? Was it fresh-enough for this activity?

Most importantly, I was never planning on returning the favor (FYI, it never became an issue).

It got me thinking about fetishes. Sure, there are some I can’t relate to, such as a foot fetish or BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism). According to an article on TheRichest.com, BDSM is the number one sexual fetish (Thanks, “50 Shades”).

Honestly, I don’t think I have a fetish. I have a fantasy (going at it against a wall) that’s never become reality, but never a fetish.

I will admit that I do have a thing for guys in baseball hats, and if a guy has any talent with a guitar, I’ll pretty much be his for life. But neither of these tiny obsessions have made their way into my sex life.

After some light Googling, it became clear to me that there’s no real answer as to why people have fetishes, or what causes them.

There are theories, however, about certain fetishes reminding the brain of childhood, such as a spanking fetish (I’m into it) or the “adult baby” thing (not hot).

But if there’s no understood psychological trace to a fetish, then how do people go about discovering them?

Was my guy just simply really obsessed with asses — seemed to be the case — that one day he decided to go ahead and lick one, excessively?

Don’t knock it, ‘til you try it, right?

I don’t need a list of rules or words to get through a session in the sack. There’s no trunk full of goodies (no pun intended) in my bedroom.

Maybe I’m just simple, but so far, sex is pretty fantastic all on its own.

Pic of the Week.

Spring is here!

Spring is here!

Friday evening marked the start of spring and after this winter, I know a lot of people across the country have been celebrating the coming of warmer weather.

As I mentioned yesterday, spring-ish weather in Louisiana doesn’t last long. But it’s the mark of a fantastic season that means baseball, crawfish, and all kinds of festivals. It’s a fantastic time to be here!

Over the weekend, I joined my friends for the annual Zapp’s Beerfest, perhaps one of my favorite events of the year — 2.5 hours of unlimited drinking and all-you-can-eat Zapp’s chips. Not to mention the abundance of delicious home-brews (I had a banana split porter that was delicious).

It was a cool, overcast day, complete with a shower, but not to worry because I was stomping the grounds with my new rubber boots (pictured above). It’s amazing that I’ve lived in the South for more than ten years and just now got some boots worthy of puddle-stompin’. They kept my feet nice and dry.

I’ve mentioned before how I’m more likely to set goals for myself around my birthday (in July) than I am around the start of a new calendar year. This year, I’m feeling pretty excited about spring. It’s a season of renewal and fresh, new ideas.

With each day, I’m moving closer and closer to making my own business a reality. I’m getting new clients, drafting business proposals and plans, having meetings, listening to podcasts, doing research… It’s a lot of work, but it feels right.

There’s a lot (a TON) of learning in this process, and it’s not always easy. I had a meeting a few weeks ago with a fellow creative and he was telling me about how vulnerable we all are — every time we craft something and send it, we are being judged. Most of the time, I don’t think of it in that way, but there’s definitely some truth to it.

If you’re following me on Twitter, you definitely know that last week, I spent almost four days Tweeting my first book, “How I Fell: Love, Lies & Cocktails,” 140 characters at a time. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it all the way through in that I had no idea it would take me so long.

I spent a majority of the week staying up, typing. Not only was I lacking sleep (and living off beer and takeout), reading and remembering about such a terrible part in my life was emotionally draining. So, why did I do it?

I never want to put myself into a box. I don’t want to strap myself into a 9-5 schedule. I don’t want to lose that creative edge. Some of the most successful things that have been done, were successful the first time they were done. I want to use all of the tools I have — my brain, my computer, and free marketing services like Twitter, to get my ideas out there.

The consequences? I thought a few people would be annoyed and unfollow me on Twitter, but instead, I gained quite a few followers (score!). But, I also got a text message from someone I’ve known for 11 years. He told me my Tweets were scary. He said my behavior was scaring him and it would be best if we never talked again.

I’ll elaborate more on this and who told me this in a later blog post, but the gist of it is: I may not always been understood. And some of the most successful people aren’t understood. As a writer, most of my work is done alone. I spend a lot of time at my desk, and a lot of my work is introspective.

As sad as I was to lose this “friend,” I know that I can only afford to surround myself with people who support me. That does not mean they agree with everything I say or do. It means they won’t drop off the face of the earth when I think of something out-of-the-box.

In the last month, I’ve spent a lot time wondering if this life, this career will stand in the way of me ever finding love. But, instead of worrying about it, I’m just going to roll with it. I can’t change my brain to please the world.

And so, cheers to spring — bring on the new beginnings. I sure could use some fresh ideas (and flowers) ’round these parts!

Get beach hair at home.

My favorite VS model.

My favorite VS model.

Spring is here… and I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for the beach! Living in Louisiana, “Spring” lasts about a week before we’re in the thick of the summer heat and humidity. What does this mean for my hair? It means I shouldn’t waste time with the straightener.

Instead, I’ve been researching other cute ways to wear my hair and still look decent. One fun way to embrace the moisture in the air? Beach hair/waves/styles!

Beach hair is something coveted, probably because it’s something that happens in nature — a mix of the salt water in the air at the beach, mixed with the sun’s heat — no wonder we want to recreate it as much as possible.

After searching online, turns out there’s tons of different ways to create this look at home, including lots of different products to mimic the texture. Here are some options you can try:

  • Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray — One 4-ounce bottle of hair styling spray; Seaweed extract helps retain moisture for roughed-looking styles that aren’t dry; Get that sexy, salty, windblown, after-beach look even if you’re miles from the beach; Offers plenty of hold and a clean, matte finish; Imparts extra texture, volume, and a matte finish for loose, sexy styles.
  • Not Your Mother’s Beach Babe Texturizing Sea Salt Spray — It adds sexy, tousled waves and a light matte finish to any hair type. Infused with natural dead see salt and sea kelp this salon formula has you and your hair on the boardwalk all year long.
  • John Frieda Beach Blonde Sea Waves Sea Salt Spray — Creates or enhances natural waves, and increases grip and texture for a ropey, ripple effect that is fit for everyday beachy style; Sea-salt infused styling spray provides all over full body designed to deliver touchable texture; Provides a versatile look that can be worn with any hair length or texture and the refreshing summer scents evoke emotions of being at the beach.

You can also use mousse, hairspray, or you can even create your OWN sea salt spray at home. There are various recipes out there (thanks, Google), but here’s one from Elle magazine I thought looked great.

Now, how to get the look? There’s also tons of different ways you can go about it, and the biggest factor is probably your hair type (aside from the overall look you’re trying to achieve). Here’s a few different methods.

Recently, I’ve simply washed my hair, let it air dry overnight, and used a combination of hairspray and Instant Texture Mist from Living Proof. I do have wavy hair in the back, but the sides are pretty limp, so I’m still working on this…

Another way you could aid your beach hair style is by braiding! Check out these 10 braids you can DIY.

What easy styles are you looking forward to this summer? Tried the beach hair thing? Let me know what works and what doesn’t work!

Fresh Friday: The Key.

Baby face.

Baby face.

It’s Friday! This week has been a weird one, that’s for certain, but I’ll explain why on another day. Today, all that matters is, it’s Friday, it’s the official start of spring, I’m wearing a pair of mint jeans that I got from Goodwill for $6, and we’re only 10 days away from the Justin Bieber ROAST.

Who’s excited? This girl!

In preparation for the viewing of The Roast, I spritzed on a little bit of Justin Bieber’s The Key. Out of all of Bieber’s scents for women, this one is probably my favorite, as it’s got an heir of sophistication about it. Don’t mind if I do.

According to Fragrantica, “The third fragrance from pop singer Justin Bieber, The Key, coming out in July 2013, is allegedly more ‘mature’ compared to its predecessors Someday from 2011 and Girlfriend from 2012.

The official description of this perfume uses epithets such as energetic, sexy and refreshing, while the composition is announced as a luminous floral-fruity-musk. It opens with a splash of juicy fruit with a sheer bouquet blooming in the heart. Its creamy base combines sensual musk, exotic woods and vanilla tones.

Justin chose the key motif for this perfume because of its symbolism, trying to tell his fans to always believe in their dreams.”

I sense a little hostility from the writers at Fragrantica! Hissss…. Regardless, the Justin Bieber Roast premiers on Comedy Central, Monday, March 30.

In other news, yesterday was the premier of the PAPER TOWNS movie trailer! What? So excited. Based off John Green’s best-selling novel, Paper Towns is the story of a girl. A very mysterious girl. You should read the book. And then see the movie. Here’s the trailer:

Not really sure how I’m going to stand waiting until July 24 to see it, buuuut… yeah. Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastical weekend. I’m certainly looking forward to it. See you next week!

 

The truth on birth control.

This picture is so cheesy, I just had to use it.

This picture is so cheesy, I just had to use it.

I know birth control can be a little bit of a touchy subject for some, but as a relationship blogger & columnist, I feel it’s almost irresponsible if I don’t at least mention it.

Let’s just get this out of the way: yes, I’m on birth control. I have been for about 8 years. I never thought anything of it, until I missed my period and found out I was pregnant. I had an abortion, and it was quite terrifying and emotionally draining—not something I would recommend on anyone. With that procedure came a prescription for birth control, and I’ve been on it ever since.

There’s several different TYPES of birth control and every person probably prefers something different. I use the NuvaRing, which I like because you insert it once a month, it stays there for three weeks, you take it out for a week, and then put a new one in. Voila, no babies.

The scary thing, though, is that of course it could come out without you realizing it. This hasn’t ever happened to me — it’s come out, but I knew it. If it does come out, you’ve got three hours to put it back in without any consequences (hormonally).

But have you ever wondered about what birth control is putting into your body? While I don’t lose sleep over it, I do think about it. Here’s some popular types:

  1. Combination Pill—Estrostep Fe, LoEstrin 1/20, Ortho-Novum 7/7/7, Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo, Yasmin, Yaz. The Good: This birth control mainstay is still 99% effective against pregnancy when taken around the same time every day. It’s also known for easing hot flashes and restoring regular periods. Avoid it if you smoke or have migraines.
  2. Progestin-only Pill—Micronor, Nora-BE, Nor-QD, Ovrette. The Good: Known as the mini pill, progestin-only meds don’t contain estrogen. They’re safer for smokers, diabetics, and heart disease patients, as well as those at risk for blood clots. They also won’t reduce the milk supply for women who are breast-feeding.
  3. Extended Cycle Pill—Lybrel, Seasonale, Seasonique. The Good: These pills prevent pregnancy and allow you to have a period only every three months. (Note: Lybrel stops your period for a year, but you must take a pill every day, year-round.) Fact: There’s no evidence proving it’s dangerous not to have periods, but there is still no long-term research to show that it is safe.
  4. Diaphragm—Milex Wide Seal, Ortho All-Flex, Semina, SILCS. The Good: Made of rubber and shaped like a dome, a diaphragm prevents sperm from fertilizing an egg. It covers the cervix and must always be used with a spermicide. Women must be fitted for a diaphragm in their doctor’s office. Fact: If your weight tends to fluctuate by more than 10 pounds at a time, the diaphragm may not work. If you gain or lose weight, you’ll need to be refitted. Prone to bladder infections? You might want to consider another option.
  5. IUD—Mirena, ParaGard. The Good: ParaGard is a surgically implanted copper device that prevents sperm from reaching the egg. Mirena, also surgically implanted, works by releasing hormones. Intrauterine devices (IUDs) are more than 99% effective and good for 10 years. Fact: Some doctors recommend the device only for women who have given birth. When the device is implanted, your uterus is expanded, and this might cause pain in women who have not had children. If you’re planning on having children in a year or two, look at other options. The IUD can be removed, but the high cost—up to $500—might not be worth it for short-term use.
  6. Patch—Ortho Evra. The Good: You can place the hormone-releasing patch on your arm, buttock, or abdomen, and rest easy for one week. Fact: If you’re particularly at risk for blood clots, you might want to find a different method. The patch delivers 60% more estrogen than a low-dose pill, so you’re at an increased risk for dangerous blood clots.
  7. Implant—Implanon, Norplant. The Good: About the size of a matchstick, the implant is placed under the skin on your upper arm. Implants last for three years and can cost up to $800. They are nearly 100% effective. Fact: Implanon may not work as well for women taking St. John’s wort, or women who are overweight.

Of course, there are condoms (male and female). I didn’t put these in the list, because depending on the situation, it’s a smart idea to use a condom AND another form of birth control. Call me paranoid, but here’s the fact: using a hormonal type of birth control does not do anything to protect you against an STD.

You may thing, oh that would never happen to me, but if you’ve ever had an STD scare (I have, read about it here) you’d know that it’s really, really scary. Using condoms will NOT protect you from every STD, but it will decrease your chances of getting most STDs. I wouldn’t suggest relying solely on condoms, because they can break and then… you’re screwed in more ways than one.

As for the hormones? Women may experience side effects from the hormones during the first three months of use. The side effects include moodiness (ha), nausea, lighter periods. As for that fear of weight gain? There’s no such proof, especially if you use low-dose.

Finally, I wanted to mention the Plan B pill, because yes, I’ve had to take this as well, and it’s something that has changed over its years on the market. The Plan B pill serves as emergency contraception is a backup for regular birth control. Plan B contains a higher dose of the same synthetic hormones found in the combination pill. It works best if taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, but may work up to five days later. Plan B, known as the morning-after pill, is available over-the-counter at most pharmacies, but only to women 18 years and older. Minors need a prescription.

What type(s) do you use? What works and what doesn’t? What experiences have you had?

The Lifetime of a Crush.

Aww, cute. He's probably an asshole.

Aww, cute. He’s probably an asshole.

You know that feeling you get when you start dating someone new? The stomach flip, the tingles, it seems like the sun is shining all the time; it’s exciting and everything seems right.

That’s how I feel when I’ve got a crush.

This is probably because I don’t know much about those I crush on, but that’s the beauty of it; you can just tell yourself they’re perfect.

A few weeks ago, I developed a decent-sized crush on a guy at my gym (ugh, I hate myself already).

Sure, he’s physically attractive. But I was more interested in the fact that we have similar interests; he has a good sense of humor, and he seemed like a non-douche.

One night, after downing a bottle of wine, I settled in for a round of Tinder swiping.

Not two minutes into my session, whom do I see, but my crush, right there, in front of my face!

In a way, I was a little shocked. I’d never seen anyone I knew on Tinder.

On the other hand, it meant he was single, looking for some type of mingling, and it said he was “active” just 20 minutes prior.

My liquid courage didn’t waver, and I sent him a text message admitting I’d seen him on Tinder.

Like a normal, sober person, he didn’t think it was a big deal and we chatted briefly about the reasons people are on Tinder.

To me, I took this entire conversation to mean that we were in flirtatious territory.

A few nights later, I was out with a slew of people from my gym — it seemed like everyone was there, except him.

So, I sent him a text, and he explained where he was.

“Well, if I’d have known that, I would’ve looked way less cute,” I replied.

My problem isn’t being shy. It’s usually being too forward, which I’m now aware sometimes comes across as being desperate.

He didn’t reply until the following morning, which made me feel like a complete asshole.

When he did reply, he explained that he was hanging out with a girl he’s “been seeing.”

I remembered why it’s called a crush. My stomach dropped and I was embarrassed.

I wished I’d never seen him on Tinder, and I definitely wished I’d never texted him.

My friends told me not to feel stupid, “How were you supposed to know he was seeing someone?”

While true — not to mention the fact that he was on Tinder to begin with — I still felt ridiculous.

I wondered if he really was seeing someone, or if he just said that so I’d leave him alone. Either way, I took his text as a clear message to get away, and fast.

So, I did.

I’ve managed to avoid him at the gym.

I also deleted Tinder, and got the Drizzy App instead.

“You know I pop bottles ‘cause I bottle my emotions.”

Pic of the Week.

Tweeting the entire book, 140 characters at a time.

Tweeting the entire book, 140 characters at a time.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, y’all! Today is probably the busiest day I’ve got planned this week, partly because I’m prepping for a fun little event here at The Bitter Lemon HQ: Drumroll…

Starting at midnight tonight, I will be TWEETING the entire contents of my very first book, “How I Fell.” Remember that one?

My first book was published nearly two years ago, and I want to take advantage of all my people on Twitter, all my people on Instagram, Facebook, the blog, yadda… yadda…

If you’re knew here, my first book is the story of how I fell in love with an alcoholic. I shared my story on this blog and received an overwhelming amount of support and love. It was truly amazing — proof that any situation (even something as completely terrible like being in an emotionally abusive relationship) can flip into something good.

Get more details on my first book, as well as my second and third books, by clicking right HERE.

So, please join me as I Tweet the ENTIRE book, “How I Fell: Love, Lies, & Cocktails” tomorrow, starting at midnight — read the whole book 140 characters at a time. You know I’m always trying to keep things fresh!

Things you can do in the meantime:

  • Follow me on Twitter @OrangeJulius7
  • Follow me on Instagram @OrangeJulius7 (there may or may not be a giveaway tomorrow)
  • Prep your coffee pots with the good ish to read along via Tweet!

In other news, the weather in Baton Rouge has been completely fabulous lately! I was all excited to open the windows and get some fresh air, when I noticed I’ve got not one, but three wasps’ nests right outside three of the four windows I’ve got in my apartment. Fabulous!

Is that something maintenance will take care of? Ugh.

I spent last week being woken up by the smoke alarm — once it was actually the smoke alarm, and the second time it was the building’s fire alarm. So that was…interesting (I dialed maintenance at 1 am). And last night, I discovered my microwave doesn’t work! What the hell is going on?

Oh, maintenance! I need you!

I’ve lived in my apartment for nearly four years now, and the last time I lived an apartment for four years, I moved. I’m wondering if that’s just my time limit, or if I just need to freshen things up. Obviously, I can get things fixed pretty easily and free-of-cost, but maybe I should invest in some real spring cleaning or find ways to give my place a facelift?

What do you do to keep your house looking fresh, or making it a place you love?

Anyway, see you all on Twitter, TONIGHT, at midnight! Be there!

Faith in the face mask(s).

Don't miss a spot!

Don’t miss a spot!

Right after college, I had TERRIBLE acne. I’m not talking a few zits here or there, I’m talking — it was really bad, like the “before” pictures on a Proactive commercial. Not only was it embarrassing and painful, but I worked in the service industry, and I needed to look presentable, so I often wore loads of makeup to try and cover it up — it was a never-ending cycle.

I’d already tried Proactive, which worked for a little while, and I wasn’t in a position to go to a dermatologist. So, I went to a local spa and asked them if there was anything they could do (I was nearly in tears out of embarrassment). They recommended a detox facial.

So that’s what I did. The facial was a series of steam, scrubs, masks, and extractions (which was very painful that first time). I also bought some of the products my esthetician recommended. For awhile, I got the facial once a week. Before I knew it, my face was clearing up and I started going every two weeks, then once a month.

While it was necessary, it was also quite a treat. I have always loved doing at-home facials, with cucumber slices on my eyes and a clay mask on my cheeks — even if just for a short time, it makes my skin feel so smooth.

The thing is, there are TONS of different face masks you can get for at-home use: for dryness, dullness, acne, oil, wrinkles, etc. Some of these are clay masks, or avocado, or honey, or non-drying.

Since I’m constantly stockpiling face masks, I figured I’d share some of my findings with you. Belo are three different masks I’ve recently tried.

Fabulous skin-reviving rubberizing mask.

Fabulous skin-reviving rubberizing mask.

Bliss Fabulous Skin-Reviving Rubberizing Mask

I got this for Christmas, and it’s definitely the most-unique at-home spa experience I’ve ever had — very fantastic! According to Macys.com, “The same skin-freshening mask used in Bliss Spas. Boost your skincare regimen with this straight-from-the-spa facial treatment, a weekly must for all skin types. The unique rubberizing mask is designed to envelop skin’s surface, allowing its key ingredients to be optimally absorbed by the skin. The brightening, skin-renewing formula is packed with powerful antioxidants and nourishing, detoxifying seaweed. So if you’re looking for a bright and healthy complexion–‘mask’, and you shall receive!”

When you purchase a box, you’ll get six packets (one packet = one mask). The packets are full of powder, which you mix with water and then apply. It really does turn to rubber, and you can peel the entire mask off your face in 20 minutes. The end result? Super silky skin.

NPW Cucumber & Aloe Vera Mask.

NPW Cucumber & Aloe Vera Mask.

NPW Cucumber & Aloe Vera Soothing, Calming & Revitalizing Face Mask

For New Year’s, I got a Detox Pamper Pack that included a hair mask, foot lotion, eye pads, and this face mask.

I finally put it on a few nights ago, after first exfoliating with a coffee scrub from Posh, and I think it was the first time I’ve tried a non-drying mask. It just stays creamy on the skin, and is really light in feeling.

More than anything, this mask is supposed to help you relax, and leave your skin with a new glow — I definitely think it did just that!

Freeman Avocado & Oatmeal Clay Mask

Ah, the classic clay mask — it’s even light green in color. And if anyone does the clay mask for at-home use like a champ, it’s Freeman. They’ve got a ton of masks to choose from, and you can get a pretty giant tube of the stuff for under $10 (I’m a big fan of the lemon-mint).

The classic green mask.

The classic green mask.

I recently tried the Avocado & Oatmeal Clay Mask, and what I love about the green, clay masks is that, although they’re sometimes a little itchy and tight while drying, once you rinse it off, the skin feels so freakin’ soft!

Maximize the Mask

I saved an article I saw in Vogue, “The New Beauty Agenda: Layering Your Face Masks,” which claims we can get even more out of a face mask by layering it — what?

According to the article, “layering” simply means applying one right after the other. In order to get the best effects, apply any exfoliating or purifying masks first, then go for the hydrating or oxygenating, or rejuvenating.

Vogue recommends this routine twice a month, at most.

A. I’m so trying this, and B. If you click the article link above, it offers a few mask “recipes” for your skin type.

Peter Thomas Roth

I can’t do a blog entry on face masks without mentioning Peter Thomas Roth. A large part of my skin regimen recommended by my spa esthetician were products by Peter Thomas Roth. They have tons of different products for acne-prone or aging skin, and I’ve always loved them.

While the products are a little pricy, they last a long time, promise.

One of my FAVORITE products from PTR is the Pumpkin Enzyme Mask. As described by Sephora, “This powerful yet gently exfoliating treatment works in three ways: exfoliates with pumpkin enzyme, peels with alpha hydroxy acid (AHA), and polishes with aluminum oxide. It reveals smoother, younger-looking, radiant, and revitalized skin.”

It’s seriously fabulous — creamy and non-drying, plus it smells like pumpkin (you know me!). What are some of your favorite facial products that make your skin feel amazing?

Luv vs. Love.

Right through the heart...

Right through the heart…

The day after Valentine’s, I got a text at 4:30 am.

“Love you.”

It was from a guy I went to high school with; we’ve kept in touch over the years, and have hooked up a few times.

Given the timing of the text, I figured it was a drunk thing and I just didn’t reply. We have never said “love” to each other — we don’t even talk on the phone.

While I do like him, and care about him, I don’t think “love” is the word to describe what we have.

About a week after the text, he called me out on it and told me I was rude for not saying “I love you” back.

Huh?

Love is still a really big word for me. Sure, I’ve been in love (a few times) and I’ve said it to the men I’ve fallen for.

In my past, romantic love has come during a committed relationship. And while I do enjoy talking to this guy, I like seeing him (he travels full time) when I can, and I certainly enjoy hooking up, it’s not love.

After all, he said it in a text message.

This is when I have to wonder if I’m just out of touch. Is this what we’re doing now? Saying “I love you” via text?

Sure, I get it if you’re dating someone and the l-bomb has already been dropped in-person, face-to-face, but…

Of course, this guy was really, really pissed that I had “no manners” and still wouldn’t say it back — a fight happening over text, mind you.

There is a risk anytime you open up to someone, and when you don’t get the response you’re hoping for, it is really difficult. I’ve been there.

But I can’t say something, especially love, that I don’t mean just to make someone feel better, or to keep them from being mad at me.

The first man I ever loved was my best friend. We were friends for years before we started dating, but it didn’t take long for me to be crazy for him.

When that relationship ended, it took years before I fell in love again and I fell hard.

After that, I fell in love with someone destructive, and it’s difficult for me to even know if it was really love. But I did say it to him, after a very short amount of time.

I am well-aware that the nature of dating and relationships are changing every day. Hell, it seems like people aren’t even dating at all anymore.

But no matter the trends, the cultural changes, the technology, love is something that’s got to be an anchor.

Love is what we’re living for, right?

And something that important deserves more than a text message; it deserves a moment.

I thought I’d hear from the guy at least a few days later, admitting he was a little harsh on me, and he’d apologize.

But I haven’t heard from him since. I’m not sure what’s going on there, but I know one thing.

That’s not love.

Pic of the Week.

Just home... at the office.

Just home… at the office.

It seems like so long ago that I had an 8-5 office job — and really it was four months ago. While I am still working out details of my life nearly every week, in ways it seems like things are going along okay, and in other ways, it feels like I’ve got no direction whatsoever.

In December, I was working three retail jobs. One of those was seasonal, so I was down to two jobs. And then, on Saturday, I went to cash a check from one of my jobs and it wouldn’t cash — my employer didn’t have enough money to cover the check. So I quit.

I’m down to one retail job, which I believe will cut down on how burnt-out I’ve felt lately, but I of course worry about making ends meet.

The trend I’ve noticed is that the less hours I’ve got in retail, the more writing gigs I can take on. And that’s great! It’s scary, but it is also very exciting. And, even though I’ve still been applying for office jobs every week, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever find myself in an office working for someone else.

Last week, I started listening to some webinars led by people who do what I want to do — make a living by blogging. While they gave some great tips (that I’ll be implementing over the next few months), it was the most comforting thing to hear their struggles before their business dreams became reality.

When I think about it, it seems really exciting to work for myself — I can set my own schedule; do whatever I want; work in my pajamas while watching copious amounts of television; and I can travel.

But everything has a downside. My biggest one? There’s no sick days when you work for yourself. It’s like the court episode of Sex & the City… “I work for myself and no one can cover for me.”

I feel like I’m always telling you readers that I have no idea what’s coming up — which is really weird for me to say because I’m a planner and a strategist. But I really don’t know. Every week around here is so different from the last; so in a month, I sure as hell don’t know.

I do know that I finally had a Sunday off (pictured above) and I slept in for the first time in months. I also took a nap! It is a luxury I haven’t had in awhile.

I also know that I’ve got a few big meetings this week, and I’m nervous and excited all at once. You know what they say, when one door closes, another one opens…

6/50 Shades: Blushing Sequin.

Spring is on its way, bring on the brights!

Spring is on its way, bring on the brights!

I know I can’t be the only one dragging ass this morning after LOSING an entire hour yesterday — so sad. But the good news is, spring is on the way, and that means summer is just around the corner (especially true if you live in the South. Spring is, like, a day).

Regardless, I hope y’all had a fantastic weekend. I did have to work some shifts, but I was also able to get in a workout and a yoga session, which felt great!

I also tried out a new shade of pink! This one is by L’Oreal Paris and is part of the Colour Riche line, called Blushing Sequin — I love a sequin, so I was really excited to try this color.

Although it looks very bright and bold in the tube, it’s a very nice shade of pink. I will definitely be wearing this one again.

What I’ve noticed, so far, about L’Oreal lipsticks, is that while they aren’t glossy, they do have a creamy texture (see my post on L’Oreal’s Pink Cashmere), which is very rare for a lipstick. This keeps my lips from feeling dry — usually I but on a balm first, but with this lipstick, I didn’t have to. Score!

What bright hues are you looking forward to wearing this spring? Let’s hear it!

Fresh Friday: Betsey Johnson.

Betsy Johnson's fashionable empire.

Betsy Johnson’s fashionable empire.

I don’t know about you, but this week has been kinda rough — maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the sheer fact that my most recent crush is dead to me (I’m currently looking for a new one), or perhaps it’s that damn Daylight Savings Time coming up, but in any case, I’m so glad it’s the weekend!

I’ve been covering the classic perfume scents lately, so I wanted to spice things up by featuring Betsey Johnson and her namesake perfume, Betsey Johnson.

If you know anything about this designer, you know she’s one of those folks who is SO creative, she barely fits into any category. While some of her jewelry and clothing items are too much for my personal style, some of it is really cute.

But, this perfume. I’ve worn it for years! It’s got an incredibly warm, rich scent that I absolutely love.

As described by Fragrantica, “In 2006 she launches her first fragrance, Betsey Johnson, a real pop art luxury. The outer package is decorated with the details which reflect her style, leopard print and roses, while the bottle is accentuated with a very unusual and attention-drawing top. The unusual bottle was designed by Colorful Licences.

Betsey Johnson fragrance was created by two noses, Bernard Blanc and Mathilde Bijaoui. They gave it a sparkling and joyful opening, combining the notes of grapefruit, pear, black currant and tangerine. The middle notes unite the floral and fruity accords of freesia, lily of the valley and red apple, while the base bring cedarwood, sandalwood, praline, amber and musks.”

Now you can see why I love it so much! At first whiff, it IS a little overwhelming, but it really is fantastic!

I hope you all have a great Friday, and a perfect weekend. Is anyone watching Secrets and Lies (featuring hottie Ryan Phillippe)? I caught the premier this week and I am hooked! It’s on Sundays at 9/8 on ABC. Hope to see you on Twitter!

I’m single, stop asking why.

Single, sexy, and sweet.

Single, sexy, and sweet.

“So, have you found anyone yet?”

It was a question from my coworker whom I’d just met.

“What does that mean?” I asked her.

She found it difficult to believe I was still single. I told her to believe it, because I am very, very single.

“That’s good,” she said. “Wait until you’re like, almost 30 and then settle down.”

Aside from the fact that I’ll be 30 in four months, I don’t understand why coupled people think that being single is a life decision.

My coworker — who has four kids with her boyfriend and lives in his parents’ basement — was suggesting that once I blow out the candles on my 30th birthday cake, I finally say, “yes” to all of those men that have proposed to me.

Oh wait, there are none.

A few days later, I was taking out the trash with my boss. We were talking about furniture we’ve obtained over the years (riveting, I know), which naturally led to the fact that I’m single.

“Are you ever going to settle down?” she asked me.

What the hell? While I don’t have a boyfriend, it’s not like I’m running the streets naked. If I were, perhaps I’d actually have sex more than twice a year.

It’s not as if I wakeup everyday and remind myself to put off a relationship.

In fact, I really feel ready for something serious. But I haven’t found someone to join me in that venture, yet.

“I don’t think that’s a question I can answer,” I told her. “What if I don’t find someone?”

The look on her face was one of terror.

“Don’t say that!” she said.

I wasn’t trying to be outrageous, it was just a fact. There’s some sort of percentage out there that will prove my point: finding a match isn’t easy.

While my boss nor my coworker said it outright, there was a tone in their questions that rubbed me the wrong way.

What’s so terrible about being single? These women acted like me being on my own was the worst possible thing that could happen to me.

I don’t dream of being single forever. After all, I want someone to share things with, to talk to, and to fall asleep next to.

But I can’t just walk out my front door and expect to find the man of my dreams on one knee (if it were only that easy).

Instead, I’m going to work on a social campaign that outlaws coupled folks to ask singletons about their singleness. Frankly, it’s rude and no one’s business.

No matter how many sexy details I reveal on my blog or through this column, stop asking me why I’m single or why I don’t have kids yet.

It’s a collection of questions I don’t have answers for, and for about three seconds, it makes me question my self worth.

That’s the thing about singletons: we know we’re worth more than dating just to date.

If there’s one thing that’s sadder than being single, it’s settling. And I refuse to do it.

Fresh Friday: Light Blue.

Look at his eyes! Helllooo.

Look at his eyes! Helllooo.

Another Friday is among us, and I can’t say I’m complaining! I’m still in the need for a hot guy, so per usual, I’ll turn to the ads of another classic fragrance — I know you know this one — Light Blue by Dolce & Gabanna.

Truthfully, I’d never worn this perfume until this week (anything for the blog). I knew it was a popular fragrance (one of the bestsellers), but I never really understood what the big deal was. I will say, though, that an ex of mine wore Light Blue for men, and it smelled fantastic.

I honestly wasn’t as impressed with the women’s version.

As described by Sephora, “A stunning perfume, overwhelming and irresistible like the joy of living. The scent is surprisingly colored with the liveliness of Sicilian citron, the happiness of Granny Smith apple, and the spontaneity of bluebells. Feminine and resolute notes are expressed with the intensity of jasmine, the freshness of bamboo, and the charm of white rose. The deep and true base embodies the character of cedarwood, the fullness of amber, and the embrace of musk.”

While you know I love a musk, I’m finding that fruity isn’t really my thing, and I definitely smelled more fruit than floral. It’s not a bad fragrance, and I can see why it’s popular: it’s light, not overbearing, and it’s a pretty generic scent.

The real downside? It doesn’t last long, at all.

I hope you’ve got a fantastic weekend in-store! I’ve got all kinds of new stories and adventures to share with you next week. As always, thank you for reading.

Accepting my Dating Past.

Hoping I won't get judged for the things in my past.

Hoping I won’t get judged for the things in my past.

Every couple of years, I meet someone that makes me wish I could change a few things about myself. Often these things are impossible to change, things in my past.

About three years ago, I had a giant crush on my neighbor, John. He was incredibly sexy, even when wearing sweatpants. We bonded over our Midwest backgrounds, our love for orange cats, and one night, we stayed up through the next morning — he even played songs on his guitar.

I wished that I was his type. You know the kind: a woman who’s gorgeous at all hours, but not without makeup, impossibly thin, and always happy.

Or at least, those were the girls I always saw him with at the wine bar beside our apartment complex.

I’m not that.

I skip makeup whenever possible, and no amount of hours at the gym will ever slim my thighs. And my happiness has wavered over the years.

A few weeks ago, I met someone that got me thinking about some decisions I’ve made in the past.

On these pages, I’ve openly discussed that I was involved in an affair, and I also slept with an engaged man for almost a year.

The guy I met, he appears smart, kind, has similar interests as me, and he even plays the guitar (swoon).

The problem is, I met him at one of my regular spots — a place I go several times a week. Despite the numbers, Baton Rouge is a small town.

I teeter from not wanting to regret my past actions, to knowing that people talk. And my actions don’t speak the best of me.

If my past were different, I’d be my usual bold self, and approach him, talk to him, and maybe even text him. But whenever I see him, I fear the Scarlet Letter syndrome and hang back.

If he already thinks I’m a home-wrecking whore, then I certainly don’t want to put the nail in the coffin.

The only thing I can honestly say about my past is that I wasn’t in a good place when those decisions were made. I was leaving my happiness up to someone else, instead of myself. And the result was incredibly hurtful.

I know that everyone has a past, and it’s all about how you overcome it and make things better in the present. I know I’m in a much better place today; a happier place.

Truthfully, I’m not sure the guy in question even knows I exist. If he does, I hope he won’t judge me for my past. After all, a guy worth my time will accept me for me, mistakes and all (right?).

As a single person, it’s easy to fall into the mind trap of feeling like there must be something wrong in order to end up single.

Despite my past, I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with me, I’m just a woman wishing to be accepted and loved.

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