Blog Archives

WYSK: Joan Rivers.

Joan, in complete glitz.

Joan, in complete glitz.

I know I’m a little late to the party on celebrating the life of the one and only Joan Rivers. Originally, I was going to use this edition of WYSK to talk about my two favorite Total Dives: Nikki & Brie Bella. But I changed my mind, and decided to talk about a different kind of diva.

I have always been a Joan Rivers fan, but a few weeks ago, I got in a bit of trouble at work when I said some things on my (personal) Twitter feed that (allegedly) a lot of my coworkers didn’t appreciate. It was not the first time I’ve been reprimanded for my mouth (or my writing).

I was told I should be ashamed to even show up to work.

For about five seconds, I wondered if I should be ashamed. But then, I thought of Joan. I woman who answered to no one, and would never let someone (no matter who) tell her how to feel. And no, I’m not ashamed, nor am I apologetic.

Joan Rivers was the only woman to ever host The Tonight Show, and as she was described in Nell Scovell’s article for Vanity Fair, she was undeniable. She was also: hilarious, glamorous, daring, giving, hard working, and bold.

“When people hate me, that’s good,” she told the A.V. Club. “They know I’m there. You’re not a chorus kid. Remember inA Chorus Line, she’s having trouble and he keeps saying, ‘You’re standing out,’ and she’s trying not to? They hate me? That’s good.” 

—Joan Rivers, for Time magazine

There are so many accomplishments behind her, it’s difficult to remember them all — she was a comic, a writer and an author (12 best-sellers), an actress, a designer, award-winner, a fashionista (changing the red carpet game forever with the question: who are you wearing?), and a reality television star.

I’m certain there will never be anyone quite like Joan — and I’m thankful for her. Even though she hated being called a pioneer, we can never have enough powerful women to look up to.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

—Joan Rivers

Pic of the Week.

Grillin' on the beach.

Grillin’ on the beach.

As I write this, I’m sitting in Native Cafe — one of my favorite spots along the Gulf, right in Pensacola Beach (I just ordered a stack of peanut butter pancakes, if that helps at all).

This morning, I had to say goodbye to my two best friends, and goodbye to a vacation we’ve been looking forward to for a better half of the year.  The other ladies had to head out earlier than me, since they live in Indiana and I’ve got a shorter (4 hour) drive to get back home.

Pensacola Beach holds a special place in my heart — while it’s not an expensive place to visit, it’s not home to many fancy restaurants, it’s really just a beautiful beach… and it’s where my friend and I spent weeks every summer, growing up, and now, as adults.

And so, last night, we capped off our long weekend with something I’ve always wanted to do — host a beach bonfire. Believe it or not, it took a lot of planning, and even some paperwork (for the permit)… we pulled it off and were able to sit around a fire, with waves in the background, and s’mores on-hand.

And while I do love the beach, and I love being away from my work-life, what I love most is knowing that I’ve got people in my life to share these moments with. The situation isn’t always ideal — I wish I lived closer — but we’ve made it work, even if it involves day-long drives on someone’s end.

There’s not a lot of people that I know that would do it.

And so, cheers to the summer — it’s been adventurous, and really, really great!

Here Comes the (Amazon.com) Bride.

I love Amazon, so I decided to marry it.

I love Amazon, so I decided to marry it.

I buy just about everything on Amazon.com. Cat food, clothes, books, gifts, protein powder, makeup — I don’t know about you, but with the bargains, plus free shipping over $35, shopping in the store just isn’t worth it to me…especially with Baton Rouge traffic.

So, I thought, wow I love Amazon… but do I love it enough to get married in it?

And no, I’m not getting married. I probably won’t be married for another 36 years.

Any of my men readers might think I’m crazy for thinking about my wedding pre-boyfriend, but I can’t help it — I’ve warned you all that I’ve got a wild imagination.

So, Amazon.com has everything, but do they have everything for a wedding day? That’s what I went hunting for. This is what I found…

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3c Canary Diamond Ring

For starters, I’ll need a ring (we’re already pretending that I have a boyfriend who reads my mind and gets me the ring I want), and I’ve wanted a canary diamond since I was a little girl. But everyone knows that if you go for the colored diamond, it’s got to be big.

My jaw dropped when I saw this 3 carat Canary Yellow Round Diamond Engagement Ring from Chance Diamonds. The Canary stone is 1c, while the white diamonds surrounding it makeup the other 2 carats. So gorgeous!

Here is what the description says, “Striking design with split-shank, this diamond engagement features a 1.0ct very well cut Canary Yellow center stone, and is set with over two hundred brilliant round side stones. Stunning when worn, this 3.0 ct tw beauty is sheer elegance. She will absolutely melt when she sees this ring, & she’ll truly be the envy of all her friends. We fabricate this ring in our own workshops to our exacting specifications, carefully choosing each stone to be set by our skilled diamond setters. The shank as shown is 14k white gold, with your choice of gold colors and upgrades available as well…

Pretty lace.

Pretty lace.

I actually saw several rings that I liked (and might consider purchasing for myself), including a Cognac diamond, and several rose gold rings (I am always on the lookout for something different).

As for a dress, well I have probably thought of about 25 different styles that I’d wear over the years. It changes often. It also depends on the guy, of course, and the kind of wedding. I really want to get married in Vegas, and if that happens then I NEED a gold sequined gown.

I also think it would be cool to get married at a vineyard, and the dress I picked today would be pretty for that. But I have always wanted my wedding to be fitting to me and my groom-to-be, so perhaps we’d be married somewhere meaningful to us (like Montana, if it’s John Mayer…).

I like the simple elegance of this one, despite the straight hem across the top. But I love how it was styled with the short veil and the sexy fingerless gloves. BLOOP!

The shoes pretty much fall under my same thoughts as the dress — the shoes depend on the dress and the location. However, I’ve always loved it when brides choose their shoes to be their “something blue.”

Pretty.

Pretty.

I chose these Badgley Mischka pumps, because I love the open sides and the rhinestone detail over the toe. While I love the blue, these also come in a gorgeous taupe that would be beautiful for a wedding, or hell, any day!

And while yes, I realize there is much more to planning a wedding than just browsing for the ring, the dress, and a pair of shoes online, it’s pretty cool that you COULD one-stop shop it, and for a pretty affordable price, if I might add.

I may never have the chance to get married, but if I do (teeheeeee), I might have to look on Amazon.com first!

Dating With Myers-Briggs.

I'm an INTJ...

I’m an INTJ…

We use all sorts of tools — from horoscopes and compatibility tests (Which Harry Potter character are you?) to discover what our perfect match is going to look like. Does it work? Perhaps, but I’m still trying to figure it out.

At work, my coworkers and I completed a Strengths Finder test to determine our top five strengths. Not only were we required to discover our strengths and share them with others, we were also asked to post our results on our office door, so that others can learn how to better work with us. I’m not kidding.

In case you’re curious, here are my top five strengths: 1. Strategic (seeing patterns), 2. Responsibility (taking psychological ownership), 3. Futuristic (fascinated by the future), 4. Focus (guided by a clear destination), 5. Input (likes to add information to “archives”).

Basically, I’m awesome.

While I don’t know if “finding my strengths” helped me or my coworkers when it comes to my job, it’s always interesting to find out more about yourself, and those around you. One of the more popular tests that can explain your personality is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). As it is described on their website:

The purpose of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) personality inventory is to make the theory of psychological types described by C. G. Jung understandable and useful in people’s lives. The essence of the theory is that much seemingly random variation in the behavior is actually quite orderly and consistent, being due to basic differences in the ways individuals prefer to use their perception and judgment.

Once you take the test, you’re given a set of four letters that help describe your personality. I’ve taken the test several times and I’m a clear INTJ. Here’s what that means:

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance – for themselves and others.

So what do personality tests have to do with dating? Well, once you’ve pegged yourself with a set of letters or numbers, or even aligned yourself with certain characteristics, there’s always going to be another set of traits that complements yours — the question becomes, does that make for a perfect relationship?

I will always think that certain traits do complement one another; though I’m not sold on the whole “opposites attract” thing. I found this website called Mass Match, and this is what it said about my Myers-Briggs compatibility:

  • Best types for a relationship: ESTJ, INTJ, ISTP, ENTJ
  • Possible types for a relationship: INTP, INFJ, INFP, ENFP
  • Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTP, ESFP, ISFP, ENTP, INFP, ENFJ
  • Percentage of the US population: 3-4%

I was shocked to see that I could match with another INTJ, but equally saddened to see that only 3-4% of the US is INTJ. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND A MATCH? Maybe that’s why I’m still single…

End of Summer GIVEAWAY!

Farewell, summer...

Farewell, summer…

I know we still have (technically) another few weeks of summer left, but tomorrow I’m leaving for the beach with my two best friends, to bid another summer adieu.

Although I didn’t find love this summer, it was a good one — and fall is really my favorite time of year. Perhaps this fall will bring me some luck in the love department. Either way, I’m counting down the days until my book release — September 22 — the official start of fall!

I want to continuously thank you all for reading my blog, my column, listening to me rant and whine as I continue on my search for true love, and happiness within.

And so, with that, I’m giving away one of my Bitter Lemon TRUCKER HATS (#CatLady) — I’ve got a green one and a red/white/blue one that the winner can choose from!

Here’s how to enter. Leave a comment on this post telling me your favorite memory from this summer. Post the comment by Thursday morning (anytime before noon central time) and I’ll randomly pick a comment/writer to win a trucker hat.

Can’t wait to read all of your memories — happy commenting!

Pic of the Week.

LOVE getting my own books in the mail!

LOVE getting my own books in the mail!

Saturday, the mailman dropped a delivery that made my WEEK — a box of my books arrived!

I work really hard on all of my books, but I still get really nervous and excited all at once when the box arrives. For Lemon Drops, I really hoped the cover looked as great in-person as it did online… and no worries, it looks beautiful!

After drooling over the books while standing in my kitchen, I grabbed a copy and got into my bed, curling up to read it as if I hadn’t just spent months writing it.

Weird, sure.

I write, edit, design, publish, and sell all of my books on my own, and it’s a great deal of work. Granted, it is a labor of love, but it takes time and energy. When I first started doing all of this myself, I thought it wouldn’t be as satisfying if I didn’t have a big, fancy publisher and a team of marketers around me — but I’ve found that it’s all pretty exciting, even when I’m doing it on my own.

Maybe there will be a day when I’m not doing it on my own. But for now, it’s pretty cool, and I’m going to bask in it.

Be sure to visit the blog tomorrow, for a GIVEAWAY (!), and all kinds of fun surprises as I count down the days until the digital version of Lemon Drops is available. Order the printed version here

Cowboy From Drewsey.

Nothing like a cowboy out West...

Nothing like a cowboy out West…

My job as an editor has its ups and downs, but one of the coolest things I’ve been able to do in the past year, is edit manuscripts. I’ve edited all sorts of different genres, but my favorite books to edit are the romance ones, of course. While all the books I edit aren’t great, most of the time, I catch myself wondering just how I got so lucky that I can read sexy books AND get paid for it.

One of my favorite books I’ve edited was this one by Patty Ann (sweetest client), called Cowboy From Drewsey. As Amazon describes it:

A serious online relationship quickly turns tempestuous once Cairn meets Cliff. His home sits deep inside the rugged terrain of central eastern Oregon. Cowboy country challenges the city girl in Cairn, but she is determined to prove herself tough. When a drastic happenstance brings Cairn’s best friend, Kelly, to this tantalizing outback, serendipity unfolds. This is a heart felt story of second chances, renewal, and love. It is an encounter that can happen to anybody, even to you!

Not only is this book filled with some sexy scenes (I won’t judge you if you have a pack of cigarettes nearby while reading), it’s also got some unexpected twists and turns to keep you on your toes! If you’re looking for a summer read (at only $5), download it today… and leave Patty a review. She deserves it!

When an Ex Gets Married.

Poor girl.

Poor girl.

Ugh. Getting the news about an ex getting married (especially when you’re still single) can be a bitch. I can’t speak for everyone, but even when I didn’t have feelings for the person anymore, it’s still rough news to get.

All of my exes are married, except my most recent (although he might be, who knows?). My very first boyfriend, Adam, was also the first one to get married. He proudly married the woman that he cheated on me with — lucky her, right?

Even though it had been years since we dated, I was devastated when I got the news. He was my best friend in high school, before we finally dated in college. He was my first love, and I definitely pictured us walking down the aisle. It was difficult for me to picture him sharing that moment with anyone else.

But he did, and I of course, stalked all of the photos online when I was ready. And as hard as it is for me to admit it, the pictures were beautiful.

After that initial pain, other exes that got married hurt me less. I don’t know if it’s because I cared less about them, or because I was older, and now it seems like everyone is getting married.

A guy I dated for years got engaged just a few months after we broke up — and my jaw hit my office floor when I got the news (I saw it on Facebook and then Googled it). Not only did I find out he’d been cheating on me for years, but now he was getting married. I wasn’t jealous — the poor girl was marrying an asshole.

But I did feel like a failure. I really wanted to marry him when we were together, and he kept telling me marriage wasn’t in his plan. Little did I know that it was in his plan, he even had a ring, but the plan didn’t involve me. I felt like an idiot.

So what do you do when you find out an ex is getting married and you’re pissed? The first thing you should do is figure out why you’re upset. Did you really want to marry him? Was he truly the right guy for you (hint: he wasn’t)? Or are you actually mad that he’s happy and you’re not (he’s not really that happy)? Are you worried you’ll never get married or find love?

Chances are, you’re upset at something that has very little, or nothing to do with your ex. Now is the time to figure out what it is and how to change it. In the meantime, it’s totally okay to grab a bottle of wine (or three) and host a chick flick marathon and/or burn all remaining photos of him you’ve got stashed under your bed.

Living well is the best revenge.

—George Herbert 

1/50 Shades: Pink Cashmere.

Yes, I drew the heart.

Yes, I drew the heart.

If you’re learning anything about me, it’s that I LOVE a blog series. So why not start another one? This series is all about lip color, because I don’t wear enough of it, and I’m really trying to branch out.

Pink Cashmere

Pink Cashmere

So in the spirit of people’s obsession with Fifty Shades of Grey and the movie coming out (at some point), I’m doing my own version of Fifty Shades… of pink lip color. I’ve already showed you the ins and outs of rockin’ the red lip, so I’m going back to one of my favorite lip shades, and that’s pink (I love dark purple gloss, too).

And, as of now, I’m purchasing all of these colors myself — so I will be honest. Now, onto the lip color! Shade one is “Pink Cashmere,” by L’Oreal Paris. It’s #171 in the L’Oreal Colour Riche selection, also categorized as Colour Caresse Lipstick.

According to Amazon:

  • L’Oreal Paris #1 best-selling lipstick
  • Formulated with revolutionary Lightfeel System to deliver a feather-light finish without being sticky or heavy
  • Vibrantly sheer color and conditioned lips

I will agree that it’s light, and smooth. However, I don’t think it’s “sheer.” The color is vibrant. One of the reviewers on Amazon described it as “Barbie pink,” and I’d agree with that.

It is easy to apply, and I like that the color on the outside of the tube is very similar to the actual color that ends up on your lip. I purchased this tube at Big Lots for $4, and it looks like the average price is around $7.

Truthfully, I’m not if this shade looks great on me. I’m not going to ditch it, but it might be too bright to be my favorite. This is why we keep on searching!

Guest Blog: Wishing for Better.

Guest Blogger, Susie

Guest Blogger, Susie

Susie Meredith is an HR professional for one of the world’s leading online retailers. She currently resides in Nashville, TN with her Golden Retriever, Sadie and her two cats, Vinny and Joey. Susie saved Vinny and Joey from a hard life in the cat-mob on the streets of Tennessee. She received her Bachelor’s in HR Development from Indiana State University and is currently working toward her Master’s in HR Management.

While obtaining her Bachelor’s she was a member of the Gamma Chi chapter of Zeta Tau Alpha where along with holding several leadership positions she also spent a significant amount of time partying hard, having fun, and playing Harvest Moon on Nintendo 64 with her roommates. Susie moved to Nashville with her family after a lifetime of living in Indiana after college and loves being a transplant Nashvillian. In her free time she is a self proclaimed TV junkie, alien movie connoisseur, and craft extraordinaire. Her motto is “If you can buy it, I can make it,” which sometimes leads to some interesting projects and meals. 

*     *     *

I’ve never been much of a “Dear Diary” kind of gal. I have always been the kind to be open and honest, but there is always a piece of me I hold back from people, and letting that piece of me out and putting it on paper gave me a sense of worry. Worry that someone would find it, read it and realize how truly vulnerable I am. My vulnerable side has only been seen by a handful of people and they have to pass my test.

Stop...can't touch this.

Stop…can’t touch this.

It’s not something I’ve ever done intentionally but it always ends up happening. Once someone gets so close to me there is something that goes off in my head and it becomes testing time. If you can handle me when I’m at my mean and nastiest and you’re still willing to be my friend afterward, then a sense of freedom washes over me and you have truly gained my trust and I never look back. You have complete access to 98% of who I am.

I’ve never understood why it’s so hard for me to be completely free with most people. Unfortunately, not everyone likes it when they finally see that side of me. It’s always interesting to see what happens, it’s like they had this image of me in their mind and I just let them down, they look at me different; like I’m less important in the world. I’ve let them realize that I am a real human on the inside with feelings and insecurities and they decided they didn’t like it. They want the Susie that is sarcastic and silly that always has a smile on her face and always has a snarky comment to make. Looking back and thinking about this piece of myself, I remember an argument I had with a sorority sister in college and she was so angry at me because I didn’t let people in. Another time I remember sitting in the living room with another sister and opening up to her and she looked at me like she understood exactly what I was giving her, she understood I was letting see the real me that few people see.

The only person I have never accidentally tested is my best friend Nikki. We met in kindergarten before the world had a chance to get its paws on me and close me up. To this day, Nikki is probably the only person outside of my parents and sister that gets to see 100% of me all the time. There have been times throughout the years where we have grown apart but we have always found our way back to each other. No matter what we’ve both had going on in life, if I needed to call her at 3AM just to hear another human’s voice she would wake up and talk to me about how everyone is obsessed with that fiber lash mascara that everyone seems to be pushing and how much it gets on my nerves.

I’m not saying that I’m anything special and that everyone should want to know every detail of my life, just dissecting myself a bit. When I finally see a friendship come to a close, I have a reflection period where I wonder where things went sour, or why they thought to just use me for what they could get out of me and then toss me away. With this information we will now embark on our next stop on the Crazyville Express.

Putting in overtime... in the love dept.

Putting in overtime… in the love dept.

Going back almost exactly three years ago, I started a new job. At this new job I met a guy, for the purposes of this blog we will call him #2. I remember seeing #2 at work and thinking “who is this dude?” He’s super outgoing and seemed to be having a blast and that was right up my alley. He was at the vending machines and had a fraternity shirt on so I walked on over and made some comment about his fraternity and we sparked up a conversation and if life went perfectly I would be telling you that #2 and I became best friends and he figured out I was the girl he’s been looking for all his life and we lived happily ever after… but we all know that I definitely don’t live the Rom-Com life.

Over the course of the next year he did become one of my best friends. He seemed to put color in a grey world. We worked night shift and worked 60 hours a week and I didn’t even care. We just had so much fun. We had a group of other folks we hung out with at work and we would have lunch, sit outside at night and enjoy the fall air and plan each other’s birthdays that we were celebrating at work, ya know… fun stuff. I guess I never realized things would completely change so quickly.

In the first year, I learned he was going through a divorce, and he would talk to me about his struggles with that. She refused to sign the paperwork even though she lived on the West Coast and their relationship was definitely over. She had put him in a very bad place making him question himself. She had lied and kept things from him that he should have known. As all relationships go I’m sure he wasn’t perfect either but its always rough when you meet a great guy and you see how another woman has put him through the ringer. It really sucks for us “normal” girls who would never ever dream of treating someone that way.

He was college educated, smart, funny and quirkily cute. People would always mention to me how great we got along and how cute we were together. I just laughed it off and moved on. I knew he was going through a divorce and that it was taking a toll on him and I didn’t want to be a reason for stress but on the inside I would have considered being more than friends with him if he was interested. But he was like my best friend; I didn’t want to ruin the fun! #2 had taken a job that was way below his level just to get his foot in the door with the company, and I was his biggest fan. I talked him up to anyone and everyone gave him advice or any insight I could without violating the confidentiality of my job. Within that first year he ended up getting promoted and moved to another building in the area; with the thoughts of him leaving I felt crushed. I realized he had made it 98% in without realizing it. Before he left we did have a conversation at some point where it somehow came up about us possibly dating and I told him that if we didn’t work together I would be interested, but the conversation didn’t go much further.

I need this keyboard.

I need this keyboard.

Toward the end of our time working together more and more people started mentioning to me how we would be perfect together and for the first time in my life, I could actually see myself being able to stand someone for longer than a few years. #2 and I would have conversations about what we were looking for in someone to be with and we would pretty much describe each other every time. At one point I had considering going on Match.com and did one of their free weekend deals and his sister-in-law had put him on there and he showed up as a 100% match for me.

At that point I started feeling irritated about it and a little rejected but I made myself let it go. He owed me nothing and I was incredibly happy for him with his promotion. If I remember correctly he either messaged me or called me specifically to tell me that his wife had finally signed the papers and he was officially a free man. A piece of me hoped that he would open his eyes and see what was in front of him. When he left he promised me that we wouldn’t stop being friends and we would hang out, and I believed him.

Time passed and he went through all his training and came back to open his building. I didn’t press hanging out too much because I know how busy opening a building can be. One day I was asked to go to the building to help them out and I was excited, I would get to see one of my best friends again. What I didn’t expect was that he seemed to not have much interest in speaking with me. It was awkward and I don’t know why. I sent him a message and mentioned that it was weird and he just threw a yeah my way, told me he was busy and went on.

It would be an understatement to say my feelings were hurt, as I drove myself home from work that night, I cried.

The one person who had finally penetrated the barrier that promised me he wasn’t using me to get ahead had rejected me. After that I shook off my feeling of being rejected and chalked it up to being busy or in a new environment. I went to the building once more while he was there and got my hopes up just to be crushed again. I was talking to one of my peers and he came up and had this huge conversation with her and barely recognized my existence. I cried again on my way home. After that I didn’t volunteer to go to his building. I actually dodged it like the plague. I felt stupid, used, and like one of the middle school girls that is crushing on the high school boy. I text him once more that winter asking him when we were going to hang out and he yelled at me.

Time passes and hearts heal. I had damaged my reputation hanging out with him so much and hadn’t realized it so I spent a good year of my career building my reputation and becoming model HR professional. I was in a meeting one day and one of the manager mentioned that #2 had just left work one day and never came back. It seemed so unlike him, someone who was hard working and strived for excellence. He had worked so hard for that promotion I really struggled to believe that he would just abandon it. Everyone was making up their version of what happened so I decided to reach out to him. I first tried to text him but never received a text back.

STFU.

STFU.

A few days later I sent him a message on Facebook and he responded. He had gotten a new phone so he never received the message. We never really talked or texted on the phone so I didn’t think much of it. He told me had been diagnosed with an ailment and had moved back in with his parents and was working toward getting his health back on track. Then it all started coming back, he was cracking jokes and being silly and I started laughing again, like really laughing not the fake laugh you do to pacify people. It felt so good and I remembered why I considered him a good friend.

We chatted back and forth quite a bit, I never got a hope that he would suddenly want to explore a relationship but I thought maybe I’ll get my friend back. We are both big TV junkies so we always have a stuff to chat about. He later ended up resigning from his position and was looking for another job. Thinking my good friend was back I immediately offer to help. My mother works in HR as well and I had him send me his resume so I could pass it along to her as they were looking for some folks with his experience. I knew he would be excellent in the interview, and of course he got the job.

I was over the moon excited for him. But this is where things took a weird turn. My mother had to leave the company unexpectedly and it was like because she wasn’t there speaking to me was irrelevant. From what I’ve been told he showed up for one or two days of work then never returned back. I messaged him on Facebook and asked him how the new job was going and received no response.

That was almost two months ago.

And I am reminded yet again why I don’t let people in. As much as I hated that his ex-wife had treated him the way he had tainting him for other women, he in turn did the same thing to me. He made me less trusting in the opposite sex. And now I’m mad and thinking back at the signs I should have seen long ago. Not only did he promise we wouldn’t lose contact, he didn’t care that he hurt my feelings. He changed his phone number and when I asked him about it didn’t volunteer to give me his new one, he made our only form of communication through Facebook. I gave and gave and gave to him and all he did was take from me until he couldn’t get anything else.

Meow.

Meow.

I think about the wedding I asked him to go to with him as friends, he refused. He said he had plans with his mother, who he was living with. I asked him if he wanted to go out with a group of friends for my 30th birthday and he also turned me down. He always has a lame ass excuse. Maybe I don’t realize how I come across once people reach that 98%. Maybe I’m thinking I’m being a good friend and he’s just sitting there thinking I’m that annoying unattractive girl in middle school that the boys play tricks on and laugh behind their back. I’ve never seen myself as that but maybe I’m missing the mark. I have my faults both physically and emotionally, but I refuse to believe I’m that girl.

Getting over the feeling of being duped and used has been the hardest. I let someone in who I didn’t see who they really are, and I’d like to believe I’m a better judge of character than that. Sometimes the boy-friends are just as difficult to navigate as the boyfriends. I’m mad at myself for wasting time and emotion on someone who did not reciprocate and who ultimately must not deserve me. It’s hard to think someone could use someone like that then walk away from them so easily.

I gained nothing but a life lesson out of this friendship, maybe that’s all I’ll ever have. In time maybe I’ll understand how you can go from being best friends with someone, thinking you could actually see a future with them to absolutely nothing. But a part of me never wants to understand how you can treat someone like that and so easily walk away. I wish him nothing but the best in life, well maybe not the best but nothing bad at least. But I wish me better.

Oh, and I’m still waiting to receive that ‘Happy 30th Birthday’ on Facebook… because ya know that’s the only form of communication.

If you would like to get in touch directly with Susie you can e-mail her at pumpkinpie8784@gmail.com or find her on Facebook. Read her other guest blog: From Friendzone to Fetishville part 1 & part 2.   

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