I’ve dated several men who are obsessive over work. I’m talking always working late, working on the weekends, using work as an excuse as to why we can’t meet for lunch or why it takes him 8 hours to respond to a text message.
And while the men of my past are probably horrible examples (because I think most of them hated me), I notice it even when I’m just “talking” to a guy.
Yes, I do appreciate a man who works hard, and who’s got goals — let’s face it, none of us would be dating a guy that didn’t have a job!
But isn’t there some sort of balance? While I do work hard and get my job done, I’m not obsessive. My career is different from my job. And at my job, hard work doesn’t pay off. So, I obsess over other things instead, like blogging, or freelance writing, or drumming up new ideas for books.
YOLO, folks. And I know that at the end of my life, I’m sure as hell not going to be wishing I worked harder.
So how can us ladies deal with our overworked men?
For starters, it’s important to understand that men are wired to be providers. Work means money, and working hard, could mean a promotion or a better job down the line, which means he can give a comfortable life for his family (which could mean YOU)!
However, there does have to be a balance, especially depending on what stage the relationship is at. An article on CNN.com explains that a workaholic is definitely different than someone who just has great work ethic and/or who loves their job.
Cutting to the chase, if the guy is obsessed with his job, and the relationship isn’t worth saving, then don’t. I dated someone for years who always chose work obligations and even weekend functions over spending time with me. It was hurtful, and I often pictured us years down the road, being married, and him still ditching me for an office crawfish boil (for which I was never invited to).
But if the relationship is serious, and worth saving, there are some things you can do to compromise.
- Communicate. If there’s a project that needs overtime hours, perhaps that can be the night you go out with the girls.
- Plan ahead, and keep them! Breaking vacations or an important dinner with the parents is where things really get rocky — plan ahead for these events, so your guy can work around them.
- Get busy. When a boyfriend used his time to work, I used my time to do ME. Read a book you love, get a manicure, finish a project, visit the museum. Whether or not the relationship works, you’ll have improved yourself and not wasted a drop of time.
When I think of fall, I think of football, and when I think of football, I think of CHILI. I don’t even like football, but I LOVE chili! I grew up eating chili, and it always makes me think of my dad.
So, I’ve spent years trying to perfect a chili that I can call my go-to. While I have about four different chili recipes that I cook each fall, this one is definitely my favorite (adapted from a Martha Stewart recipe).
Chances are, a few different boyfriends have tasted this, and if you date me, you’ll be added to the list. But seriously, it’s a crowd pleaser. Husbands and boyfriends, you will thank me.
- 3lbs of turkey (I like breast tenderloins, but ground is great, too)
- 2 medium onions, chopped
- 2 jalapenos, chopped
- 4 strips of bacon
- 1/4 c garlic, minced
- 3tb chili powder
- 3tb unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1c water (I use homemade stock, or feel free to toss a cup of beer in there)
- 4ts ground cumin
- 2tb molasses (sub with brown sugar, if needed)
- 2 28oz cans whole tomatoes
- 3 15 oz cans of beans (I use kidney or pinto)
This is the awesome part — use your crock pot! Cook the meat first: brown ground meat, or pop the tenderloins in the oven for 20 minutes, just to get the cooking started. Cook the bacon until crispy, and crumble it into the pot. Toss all the ingredients in, and set on low for 6 hours. Easy!
If you’re using the tenderloins, I put them in the crock pot whole, then after about 4 hours of cooking, I shred the meat and put it back in to soak up the spices.
Top it with chips, cheese, avocado, guacamole, sour cream (plain Greek yogurt for my ladies on a diet) — whatever you please!. This chili is good for you, and your guy will absolutely love it!
It’s true, men like to watch romantic comedies, too! Maybe you’ve caught your boyfriend laughing a little too hard during a recent Lifetime movie, or perhaps you’ve caught your husband popping in a copy of your coveted Sex & The City DVD. No matter what the reason, men love them a little chick flick.
For this post, I definitely needed help from the guys, and the ladies who’ve seen this in-action. So, I asked, and I received! Here are the romantic comedies your man just might love to watch (with you, of course):
THE PROPOSAL — (2009) A pushy boss (Sandra Bullock) forces her young assistant (Ryan Reynolds) to marry her in order to keep her Visa status in the U.S. and avoid deportation to Canada.
I don’t know about you, but I wish to live in a world where I am forced to marry Ryan Reynolds. I’ll also be willing to settle for his doppleganger.
THE NOTEBOOK — (2004) A poor and passionate young man (Ryan Gosling) falls in love with a rich young woman (Rachel McAdams) and gives her a sense of freedom. They soon are separated by their social differences.
DIRTY DANCING — (1987) Spending the summer in a holiday camp with her family, Frances “Baby” Houseman (Jennifer Grey) falls in love with the camp’s dance instructor Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze).
Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.
FEVER PITCH — (2005) Lindsay (Drew Barrymore) is stuck in the middle of her relationship with Ben (Jimmy Fallon) and his passion for the Boston Red Sox.
FOUR WEDDINGS & A FUNERAL — (1994) Over the course of five social occasions, a committed bachelor (Hugh Grant) must consider the notion that he may have discovered love.
ABOUT TIME — (2013) At the age of 21, Tim (Domhnail Gleeson) discovers he can travel in time and change what happens and has happened in his own life. His decision to make his world a better place by getting a girlfriend (Rachel McAdams) turns out not to be as easy as you might think.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU — (2009) The Baltimore-set movie of interconnecting story arcs deals with the challenges of reading or misreading human behavior.
This movie is PACKED with stars: Ginnifer Goodwin, Kevin Connolly, Scarlett Johansson, Ben Affleck, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Anniston, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Drew Barrymore… the list goes on. I wasn’t in love with this movie right away, but every damn time it’s on TV, I sit down to watch it. I am so Gigi. Ugh!
SERENDIPITY — (2001) A couple (Kate Beckinsale & John Cusack) reunite years after the night they first met, fell in love, and separated, convinced that one day they’d end up together.
SAY ANYTHING — (1989) A noble underachiever (John Cusack) and a beautiful valedictorian (Ione Sky) fall in love the summer before she goes off to college.
HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS — (2003) Benjamin Barry (Matthew McConaughey) is an advertising executive and ladies’ man who, to win a big campaign, bets that he can make a woman fall in love with him in 10 days. Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) covers the “How To” beat for “Composure” magazine and is assigned to write an article on “How to Lose a Guy in 10 days.” They meet in a bar shortly after the bet is made.
CRAZY STUPID LOVE — (2001) A middle-aged husband’s (Steve Carell) life changes dramatically when his wife (Julianne Moore) asks him for a divorce. He seeks to rediscover his manhood with the help of a newfound friend, Jacob (Ryan Gosling), learning to pick up girls at bars.
CRUEL INTENTIONS — (1999) Kathryn (Sarah Michelle Gellar) makes a bet that her step-brother, Sebastian (Ryan Phillipe), won’t be able to bed Annette (Reese Witherspoon) (a virgin, who wants to wait until love). If he loses, Kathryn gets his Jaguar, if he wins, he gets Kathryn.
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA — (2006) A naive young woman (Anne Hathaway) comes to New York and scores a job as the assistant to one of the city’s biggest magazine editors, the ruthless and cynical Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep).
500 DAYS OF SUMMER — (2009) An offbeat romantic comedy about a woman (Zoey Deschanel) who doesn’t believe true love exists, and the young man (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who falls for her.
YOU’VE GOT MAIL — (1998) Two business rivals (Tom Hanks & Meg Ryan) hate each other at the office but fall in love over the internet.
A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN — (1992) Two sisters join the first female professional baseball league and struggle to help it succeed amidst their own growing rivalry.
PITCH PERFECT — (2012) Beca (Anna Kendrick), a freshman at Barden University, is cajoled into joining The Bellas, her school’s all-girls singing group. Injecting some much needed energy into their repertoire, The Bellas take on their male rivals in a campus competition.
It’s a pretty good list, right? Did I miss any? What movies does your guy like to watch?